Llanon

Waeth i mi ddechrau sgrifennu yn Gymraeg mwn, i feddwl fod teitl y blog yma yn cynnwys y Gymraeg yn gyntaf! Am beth rwyf am gwyno heddiw? Wel, am bentref Llanon yn Sir Geredigion, wel i fod yn fanwl gywir perchennog y tacsis sydd yn wneud y daith trwy'r pentref yma yn anoddach ac yn fwy lletwyth na ddyle fe fod. Mae'r A487 o Aberystwyth i Aberaeron yn boen tin a dwi ddim yn hoffi dreifio arno fo. Mae sawl damwain ar hon, weithiau yn ddyddiol! Os ydych ddim yn stuck tu ôl i lori Mansel Davies neu du nol i Fws araf Arriva gallech fynd o Aber i Aber mewn pum munud ar hugain efallai. Yn dod o Aberaeron mewn i bentref Llanon, heibio'r bacws ar y chwith a'r bwtcher ar y dde mi ddewch i drofa ble mae tacsis yn cael i barcio! Allith o ddim bod yn fusnes tacsis llewyrches oherwydd maen nhw wastad wedi parcio yna. Fel modurwr da, dych chi yn slofi lawr a gan amlaf stopio i traffic o Aberystwyth ond fy nghwyn i ydi pam ddylech chi? Mae hwn yn ffordd fawr yn mynd trwy bentref! Mae pentrefi bach y wlad yn amlwg ddim wedi adeiladu i gymryd volume y traffic sydd ar yr hewlydd dyddiau yma. Wastad yn teimlo dros unrhyw un sydd yn ddigon ddewr i seiclo ar yr A487. Mae niferoedd y ceir yn gyfoglyd! Beryg Bywyd ydi'r ffordd yma! A wnaeth Cyngor Sir Ceredigion rhywbeth am y niwsans yma? Dim fears sa beryg!

I might as well start writing in Welsh to think that the title of this blog includes Welsh first (and I need to get some practice in). What  am I going to complain about today? Well, Llanon village in the county of Ceredigion, well to be exact the taxi owner who makes ​​the trip through the village here harder and more dangerous than it need be. The A487 from Aberystwyth to Aberaeron is a pain in the arse and I do not like driving on it. There are numerous accidents on this, sometimes on a daily basis in the summer! 

If you are not stuck behind a Mansel Davies lorry or a go slow Arriva Bus you could go from Aber to Aber in twenty-five minutes maybe. Coming into the village of Llanon from Aberaeron, passed the bakery on the left and the butcher on the right you will suddenly screech to a halt if you are not aware that two large white taxis are parked on the left hand side!  A good motorist slows down coming from the opposite direction but more often than not it is a paint scraping contest!

This is the main road passing through the village! The small villages of the country are clearly not built to take the traffic volume on the roads these days. I always feel sorry for anyone who is brave enough to ride a bicycle on the A487. The numbers of cars are nauseous! Are the Highways likely to do anything about this? Well if Ceredigion County Council's track record is anything to go by....NO! 

La Angostura

I was sixteen when the Imperialist Machine of Maggie's Task Force went into action in the South Atlantic. A teacher marched into the Public School Classroom and with fist in the air shouted "We've got one of them". An Argentine jet had been shot down and I remember thinking at the time what do you mean 'we' paleface. I was surprised because this teacher was a Welsh Speaker from Caernarfon and was one of the few teachers who abstained from singing 'God Save the Queen' at the assemblies when Elizabeth Vagina was being saluted. I had a gut feeling that Britain's actions were immoral and wrong.We had seized the Malvinas in 1833, for its oil reserves, and now Argentina wanted them back.

Wales has a connection with Argentina that goes back to the settlement of Y Wladfa in 1865 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Y_Wladfa



Followers to SharkFishing in Wales will know that I have an aversion to the oval shaped ball. A completely irrational and emotional response to a game that the Welsh have enthusiastically embraced from its origins in a Public School in Rugby, England. Perhaps not completely irrational because I was forced to play the game from U15 level and didn't stop playing until my early thirties.
A complete waste of Saturday afternoons.
I have a completely rational yet emotional view on Public schools. As a Welsh speaker I was educated in an enclave, in a bastion of the English Class system in North Wales. A recurring nightmare that I have is that I am still a pupil at this school, as an adult. I have been kept down from progressing to every subsequent year because of my woeful progress academically.  I witnessed the ravages of this  class system, in the guise of Margaret Thatcher's Conservatism, being unleashed on the communities of the United Kingdom. I do not wish to use the term 'English' in a pejorative way. It is the Imperialist British Class System that I rail against. The system that has caused so much oppression and so much misery and death around the world. Who could blame those early settlers for looking for a 'man gwyn man draw' (Grass is always Greener type of thing) away from all this? 

Tomorrow in the plastic capital of Wales a game will occur between the Prince of Wales Feathers Brigade and Argentina. From my cave in Ceredigion I will be hoping that the descendents of the orginal settlers beat the Red Shirts again purely because of our subservient, forlock tugging nature as a people!  

Sorry Sharks!

I had a dream last night and I felt guilty this morning. I felt bad that in my last post I had generalised about human beings. I am beginning to see a thread. I know that as individuals there are incredibly brave, wonderful light filled beings but my sadness comes at our inability to operate en masse, as a crowd. 

The dream involved me in Amsterdam with a bike that got stolen off a film set.I was the protagonist and in dreams as often as in life my search proved futile but I met interesting, hope filled characters on the way.

This morning I had the honour of meeting professional honourable human beings but as is often the case they had to come out to see me. I won't reach out to others. It is a wound. It is this inability to reach out and help others without conditions which is causing me much soul searching at the moment.

I apologise for my black and white thinking in the last post and hope that you were not too offended. I know that we are all trying our best. I suppose what I want to see more of in the world, if I have to identify it is compassion, something that I am working hard towards, compassion without condition. 



Who put the Shark in Shark fishing?

 

 

Who put the Shark in Shark Fishing? Well I did of course. Why? because at my advanced  age, despite plenty of evidence to the contrary I see the world as a hostile and brutal place and I see human beings as essentially selfish. So the Sharks referred to here are the human variety! People who will after a while of swimming around make up their mind and either swoop and take advantage or move on to their next prey. I include Builders, friends (So called) aquaintances, work colleagues, partners( romantic and otherwise)

My mood disorder has not helped matters and I identify a Schema or Life Pattern that I have as one of Mistrust. That is why I much prefer my socialising through social networking rather than of the face to face variety. I have had people say "Are you getting out more?" They probably mean well but I find it very condescending especially at my age. If I wanted to get out more I would get out more but I identify as an Introvert. I don't want or need the noise and the hurly burly but I also realise that something is missing, something vital. Perhaps humans do not set out deliberately to make eachother unhappy but through their own selfishness and emphasis on the self, they make others unhappy. For some reason we cannot but help having expectations of other people. This is very unhealthy in my humble. Do we need to nurture independence at a much younger age? Attachment is a negative phenomenon that can have repurcussions throughout your life. Attachment to places, people and things (hoarding?) attachment to safety. Feel the fear, well we do that so well as humans. I am familiar with the Law of Attraction and manifesting through positive imagery etc but for some reason despite my best intentions I revert to type and see human beings as fuckwits! And yes I realise that this is projection and I am just a fuckwit as well, but what can you do?  

 

 

 

 



Crowds

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avoidant_personality_disorder

 

 

 

 

Borderline Personality Disorder, Bi-polar Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder. What I have is on a Spectrum! I know one thing, I am not NORMAL. I don't want anybody to get the misguided impression that I am like them. I am according to friends 'A Paradox'. I have the skills and talents but my choice is to withdraw from society. I went out yesterday to try and address my avoidant personality disorder but all I was faced with was crowds. Ok what was I expecting, it was a Saturday! On the Train Platform people were nudging closer to the doors to get one of the seats without a reservation ticket, of which there were only three left. Twice the number of people for the carriages provided!

The bus then was packed, transferring from one bus to another, that was packed as well.

When I am in the presence of many others I adopt the tactic of no eye contact, closing my eyes, hoping that they will all dissapear. It's very unfair and judgemental of me because I am a nuisance and a crowd to other people but that is because of our ego! Where would we be without crowds? Capitalism relies on crowds. Supermarkets rely on crowds! They couldn't operate and wouldn't be profitable if there were less of us or could they? It's the Footfall! Bums on Seats for Theatres, Cinemas and Universities especially if those bums are foreign. More money then!
I took my own food yesterday so I wasn't contributing to the local economy apart from buying a Coffee which always feels like you have ripped the heart out of the cow, the farmer and the coffee grower at the same time.

 

There must  be some kind of pay off to this behaviour or I would not have continued with it for so long. It is about Control. Like this I can control my behaviour, my feelings. I don't have to be assaulted and buffeted by images and sounds that emotionally distress me. I wonder if I need to be de-sensitised so that I can be like everyone else. A drone that appears happy amongst others.  

 

 



 



 



 



Isle of Avalon

Damp, drab concrete, like Amsterdam.

Full Moon over Glastonbury but I'm not high on any substance

other than an over priced Latte.

Disappointing it was.

I had been many years before.

This was perhaps my third visit.

The last time, I left a friend in a pub eating pickled eggs.

I haven't seen him since.

Wounded Seekers in Faerie Outfits and Zombie Masks

artificially happy.

It's a heavy burden to put on any town.

No crystals, incense or deep spiritual books did I buy

but a box of tissues in the Co-Op to clean up the mess

from a knockdown Florida Salad that had leaked in my rucksack.

Spirituality!

Even though I don't want to believe it

I'm starting to think it's just

Escapism!





Their families have been informed.

Their families have been informed!

 

 

 

Well I should bloody well hope so too!

Having been killed in such a bloody fashion!

Bloody Hell, it surely is.

It’s OK for us, the Sheep,

Like Turkeys waiting for Christmas

Lined up like Ducks in a shooting gallery!

We just get on with our inane existences

As they…

They who shall not grow old

Go on Patrol

In the Graveyard of Empires.

This will be the Third Anglo Afghan War!

We lost the other two!

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and hoping for a different result.

But what do they care?

Those dumb donkeys!

A Lion lies bleeding.

Fight the Rich and not their Wars

Their Families have been informed.