Shark

Eisteddfod Masturbation

2011: Wrexham and District: Monologue Featured at Theatr y Maes.

2010: Blaenau Gwent and Heads of the Valleys, Ebbw Vale: Helping out on a stand for a day.

2009: Meirion a'r Cyffiniau, Bala : Monologue Featured at Theatr y Maes.

2008: Caerdydd a'r Cylch  : No Concessions for the Unemployed.

2004: Casnewydd a'r Cylch: Free Ticket

1998: Penybont ar Ogwr : On the Wales Y.F.C stand

 1997: Y Bala: On the Wales Y.F.C stand

1992: Aberystwyth : Working as a Security Guard with GRW Security of Blaenavon

1990: Cwm Rhymni:

1988: Casnewydd

1982: Abertawe

1981: Machynlleth

1979: Caernarfon

1977: Wrecsam

1973: Rhuthun


No Blog about Wales could proceed without mention of the Eisteddfod. I went last year in Wrexham because a Monologue that I wrote was performed at the Theatre on the Eisteddfod Field. I got the train up from Cardiff. I had gone the year before in Ebbw Vale to help out on a stand and that was an excellent site because it was linear and flowed but generally the sites are square and concentration camp like and on my return to the 'Diff' I felt that I had been somewhere where there had been a concentration, a mass of people. These people were certainly not starving! Many appeared comfortably numb, well off, having made a living on the back of the Language. As a child and teenager, I felt two oppressions keenly, the oppression of the Welsh Speaking Chapel on a Sunday where 'adnodau' or verses were learnt to be read out verbatim and the other oppression was that of my English Language, Rugby playing Public School. I didn't fit in at either and the thought of both still make me feel bitter and nauseous! I was caught between two languages and cultures. The Religion of the Hymnal and Psalter and of singing 'Jerusalem' and the Religion of Non Conformity. At my confirmation classes when asked where God was I said "that I hadn't met him". Well I have met him now but that was through a Spiritual Emergency and through Faith rather than through forced Bible Bashing.
Out of my 46 years I have attended 15 Eisteddfods. Not an 'Eisteddfodwr brwd' by any standards! As an adult I would only go if I had reason to go, if it was very local or I could get a free ticket.
At the 1982 Eisteddfod in Swansea we stayed in the University Halls of Residence and it was here that I set my own personal record for simultaneous masturbation. I wanked 6 times one after the other. I was 16 and now at 46 I can only dream of such virile endeavours. It wasn't even a Mayfair or Playboy, although I had quite a sizeable collection stacked in my chemistry set under my bed. It was the Centre Spread in a Magazine called Football Kick. 
It wasn't over this edition that I set my record but over the August 1982 edition and I have a feeling that the Model was a Norwich City Fan although that wasn't high on my list of concerns at the time. 

http://www.soccerbilia.co.uk/acatalog/Football_Kick_1982.html 

 The year previously I had been to see 'Gregory's Girl' at the Cinema in Theatre Clwyd, Mold.

From what I remember, this was a slightly wet film but featured the far more exotic Claire Grogan of Altered Images compared to the demure Dee Hepburn above! Maybe it was to do with the acting. Anyway it was a long time ago. I think that I yearned for the two things that we didn't have at my minor public school, girls and football. I would bunk off on Saturdays (Yes we had lessons on Saturday) and go and watch Wrexham FC play some 18.6 miles away and then go home to do what all teenage boys do when starved of female company and affection.



I digress. Anyway what has Eisteddfodau got to do with Masturbation? Well quite a bit in my humble. It is self-congratulatory. The Information giving in terms of leaflets and other ephemera from the stalls feels pointless, again like Masturbation. You leave the Eisteddfod Field feeling dirty and guilty! I wonder if it has to do with being in the shadows, conversing in tents! 
When the Eisteddfod was last in Cardiff, I went along at 2.00pm hoping to get in, but there were no concessions for the unemployed.
Perhaps they weren't expecting a Welsh Speaker to be unemployed.
They talk a good game but that's all it is in my opinion, a talking shop. A huge competitive hierarchy with accountants and celebrities dressed as green, white and blue druids. You've seen one Eisteddfod, you've seen them all.

A oes heddwch?

 

I don't think so.

Who Moved My Caws/Cheese?

I spent about an hour this afternoon in Newport Library reading the above book! It's a revelation and at £5.99 a snip, but you won't find me spending rare benefit money (tax payer's money) on self help books. It's all about mice and cheeses and moving on to look for more and different cheeses. The Welsh for cheese is caws as in caws Caerffili. I return again to the 'Diff' wondering if I have spent too long here in my smelly cheese! I'm ready to go and find new caws! It's the process of moving out of your comfort zone! It is my intention and I state it publicly here to move, to re-locate Red Button Theatre & Film Co-operative but to where? At the moment it's a Toss Up between Liverpool and London! I need to move my Cheese. When I was unconscious or clinically depressed I didn't realise how many people appeared to be so also, for it is a very selfish and unforgiving condition, ego filled! Now that I am passing through the dark night of the soul, I am realising how many people actually look desperate, how many are putting a brave face on it and how few appear to be at peace! Or maybe that was just Newport!                  It's all in the Face and in the Eyes. 
Aha! We've got him now: "The grass is always greener on the other side." I made the mistake in the past of moving before I was psychologically ready and I was bitten but generally I did have a better time when I was t'other side of Offa's Dyke. I don't know why but I feel compelled to play a role here in Cymru Fach! 6 Degrees of Welshness and I'm bored of it, I'm tired! With the Eisteddfod in full swing, it is the time that I do not feel fully Welsh because even though I speako the same lingo as those walking about in their bright wellies I don't feel that I have anything in common with them. We are all human beings though right? Humans are so tribal! Nation States, Cities, Towns and their Football Clubs and Colours.

 

By writing this I am convincing myself that moving is the right thing to do but why move to Liverpool or London to be the same person that I am in Cardiff ?  Facebook is the same in any language so the biggest Caws we have to move is our own Psychological Cheese.
In my case I have to improve my attitude towards wealth and wealth creation. I have just never seen the point in it! I am a single man with no dependents. What do I want wealth for? To fill the existential, God shaped hole perhaps? Look in the Mirror and tell yourself that you love yourself so it won't matter whether you are in Las Vegas, Darlington, Bootle, Fochriw or Rio! Learn to love yourself, appreciate yourself, value yourself and then move your cheese!

 Cheers Cheese!   

Sunday

Like the proverbial rabbit in the headlights, I'm ready to go,
I'm suited and booted but as the reluctant bride, I can't cross the threshold.
Some invisible force draws me back to the belly of the domain.
The kettle, the facebook, the twitter hold me in their grip of distractive indecision.
Why can't I just leave like a parachutist, sky - diver to their destiny?
What really holds me here?
Can it be as simple as fear?
If that is the case, then I must be entombed in the stuff.
It's oily, rubber coat barnacled on to my body.
Every Sunday the same, I greet it with good intentions but however it was made, Sabboth for man or man Sabboth, I cannot get rid of this dread in the pit of my stomach.
Sunday is the waiting room of death.
We will have spent so many of them hungover, withdrawn in a go slow museum, garden centre, do nothing but think everything type of day.
I suppose that when the call comes we will be ready but Dear God, on this day, your day of all days, please don't let me die of 'thwarted ambition'.

Thespian

There's something in my subconscious that tells me that being an actor is not a proper job! As Constantin Stanislavski said "Love art in yourself, not yourself in art". It's seven months since I started Sharkfishing in Wales and it has been a whingefest! Moan, Moan, F.....cking Moan! Yes I am a Moaner! Who isn't? Everybody Moans because they are not happy with their own lives. If your not happy with your own life, the only thing to do is blame the Government! Yes it's the Government's fault that I am a miserable bastard. So I have decided to put a bit of fun back into life and become a Thespian. It's the only job that doesn't need references and where having Bipolar Disorder is a bonus. Most actors are acknowledged as rather eccentric and left wing, so I should fit in. The only stumbling block I can see is Motivation. My ego has diminished to such an extent that ambition to be in Pobol y Cwm or the next James Bond Movie is at an all time low. I just fancy having a more serious go at it,because it is fun, it is playing! It must be the next best thing to playing sport for a living. I'm not sure whether I have a talent for it. I have been told that I have the voice for it. Have a look and listen to the velvet tones below and see what you think!

Thank you for following Shark Fishing In Wales for the past 7 months and hopefully you will follow my progress in the West End, Hollywood and the Edinburgh Fringe!

I told you I had Delusions of Grandeur didn't I! 

UFO Hughes

October 1978. Location – Denbigh, North Wales.
PC NEVILLE HUGHES and two uniformed colleagues (one of who was a sergeant) observed a UFO whilst in the grounds of North Wales Hospital in Denbigh.
UFO CLASSIFICATION – NL (NOCTURNAL LIGHT)
On Duty sighting. 3 Officers. Source – FSR Vol 25 No 2 Mar/Apr 79.

Late evening. 25/01/79. Location – Denbigh, North Wales.
PC NEVILLE HUGHES observed a UFO after responding to a call from a Denbigh family.
UFO CLASSIFICATION – NL (NOCTURNAL LIGHT)
On Duty sighting. 1 Officer. Source – FSR V25 No 2 Mar/Apr 79.

2045 hours. 26/01/79. Location – Denbigh, North Wales.
A member of the public, Keith Jones was about to go into the restaurant where he worked near Denbigh when he observed a UFO at an altitude of 100-150 feet. He went inside and asked his employer to go outside and look at the object. They watched a stunning aerial display by the UFO for several minutes before calling the police. A short time later two uniformed police officers, PC BERWYN JONES and PC NEVILLE HUGHES arrived at the scene where they too witnessed the UFO. The object was disc shaped with a dome underneath. There was no noise and it was described at being too low and too bright to be an aircraft. The object was last seen heading in the direction of Ruthin.
UFO CLASSIFICATION – CE1 (CLOSE ENCOUNTER 1ST KIND)
On Duty sighting. 2 Officers. Source FSR Volume 25 No 2 Mar/Apr 79.

http://www.nicap.org/waves/1979fullrep.htm

The Futura (Fleapit) Cinema, Denbigh, Clwyd.

I am very aware that this blog has been Cardiff centric thus far and it is ostensibly a farewell love letter to Wales' Capital City (Don't make me Laugh!) but as I might have mentioned before I was brought up in North East Wales, mostly in a village called Llanbedr Dyffryn Clwyd about a two miles outside Ruthin on the Mold Road. As an 11 year old in 1977 Close Encounters of the Third Kind came out and we went to see it at the Futura Cinema, Love Lane, Denbigh. The Futura was known to everybody as 'The Fleapit'. I saw many films here. Grizzly Adams in a Saturday Matinee, Bugsy Malone, The Sting, Grease, Poltergeist, Blue Velvet. We always went upstairs because it was smaller and more atmospheric. The Pictures were a real treat in those pre-plasma TV and pre dolby surround sound days. That period 1977-1982 was an active period for UFO sightings in this part of North Wales and what we were watching in Spielberg's Bi-opic we might as well have been sat on top of the Clwydian Range of Hills to see the same things. As a teenager I was an avid reader of books about UFO's. It seemed that there was a sighting every other week. The local newspaper was the Denbighshire Free Press and I remember the headline was 'UFO Hughes'. PC Neville Hughes stationed at Denbigh was called out on so many occasions to sightings that he gained this affectionate nickname. When he received a call, he would venture out on to the Clwydian Range in the Morris Minor Police Car above. The Aliens looking down must have thought, he'll never catch us in that thing!

My own sighting came in 1982 as I travelled back with my mother in a Mini Clubman Estate to Llanbedr from Ruthin and there above Moel Fenlli was a silver orb floating high in the sky.

We watched it until we got home, my mother remembering to watch the road occasionally. Rushing inside, I grabbed the Binoculars and went to my room. Above the mountain you can see in the picture at 8.00pm I had a Close Encounter of the First Kind. The Orb moved across the sky or shall I say it dissapeared and then re-appeared in another part of the sky. It's colour changed from Silver to Gold to Green. It was like a tiny ball of Mercury. There was nothing else in the sky. Cloudless! It lasted for perhaps half an hour! It moved from one side of the mountain to the other! One moment I was observing it and then it re-appeared in a different part of the sky. Vast Distances covered in the blink of an eye.

Not surprisingly this very clear sighting confirmed in my own mind that I was a believer. I was a believer then because I wanted to believe. 

The following year I passed my driving test and as I drove my mother into Ruthin for a change I was stopped by a policeman in a Morris Minor like the one above. Stopped for Speeding, 32 miles an hour in a 30 mph  and the rotund little copper could tell I was not amused.

 His words ring in my ears down the decades.

" I'm doing this for your benefit Mr Williams, not mine"   

"Yeah Right" 

What I should have said was
" I am an undiagnosed Manic Depressive and I am going to have many more of these unfortunate little occurrences before I get my Membership Card"  

Spiritual Desert

Perhaps I should use this post to apologise en-masse to Cardiff's Librarians! If I get a weak smile next time, then I'll know that someone on the top-floor is following Shark Fishing religiously. Talking of religion, I was in the Library this morning reading a book about the Spiritual Desert which is innate to the human condition.

Apparently we have to experience the Spiritual Desert to become whole and to be able to face our destiny, namely death, with equanimity. I was trying to concentrate but someone was clipping their fingernails. Every clip was like a knife going through me! I don't think I would respond well to torture because much of one's daily business is torture-like, noise, interference, hustle and bustle, neon lights, shops, loud music, mobile phones. Silence is what I hope for in Libraries but they have become more like entertainment complexes. I have spent much of my life in libraries reading up on what possibly could be wrong with me, instead of actually getting on and living life. Libraries mean a lot to me, they are my temple, a sanctuary and I feel wounded by the noise. I feel as if I have spent much of my life in a spiritual desert and now I am ready to live. I spend much time alone but I do not feel lonely! I feel whole within my aloneness. I know that I cannot rely on another human being for unconditional love. I can only rely on myself to love myself unconditionally and I think a minor spiritual miracle is happening in my desert. 

Maybe like some others I became trapped or fixated in my adolescent years and didn't progress through Erik Erikson's different life stages.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erikson's_stages_of_psychosocial_development

I have an adolescent's attitude to authority and structure which should be embarrassing for a 46 year old but I'm not really embarrassed. Perhaps if I was a parent things would be a lot different and I would be less self indulgent about my attitudes and feelings. Somebody has to play the Citizen Smith role. Feeling alienated is a Spiritual Desert. Observing Couples and Families going about their loud business, I wonder whether their lives should be aspired to or whether I should carry on sailing this ship alone. 

Who knows I might end up marrying a Librarian!