Roedd Ynys Môn yn fy atgoffa

 Roedd Ynys Môn yn fy atgoffa o Iwerddon, Llydaw a Chernyw

Y tirlun, y tir ar dai

Doeddwn ni ddim bod yna, y bobol fodern

nid Rhufeiniaid, nid y Gymru na'r Saeson

Gwlad y Derwyddon oedd hyn dal

Ymwthwyr da ni 

Y môr a mynydd Cybi a llwythi o lwyn onnen

Does bosib taw Gorsedd y Beirdd oedd hwnna?

Mae'r golau a'r gorwel yn chwarae triciau ar gefn y llygaid.

Hiraeth am ein cartref ysbrydol tybed?

Dydy concrit nag niwclear ddim yn cydweddu a natur

Y funud dych chi'n croesi'r bont chi'n ymwybodol eich bod ar dir 

gwahanol.

Microwave ready Christmas meal for one.

 
Microwave ready Christmas Meal for One

Twas the night before Christmas and I went round to the local 24hr garage,

to their chilled section, 

to purchase a Microwave ready Christmas Meal for One 🎅

Done.

There’d be no alcohol and no television.

You see I don’t think Jesus would approve.

It was his birthday after all.

They say that Christmas is for children

but I don’t have any, having not met the correct partner to match my misery.

I’ll sit here in the kitchen watching the garden birds being stalked by the cat.

I will savour the wafer thin Turkey thinking about the life it had led before death.

Had poor ‘gobble’ been crucified like Christ?

Their feathers spreadeagled for the abattoir’s nails.

Two years ago I spent the day with the Homeless talking to a man from the Sudan

and then Covid came like a gift from the East and culled that particular corporate game.

Corporate Crisis at Christmas in a school next to the Grenfell Tower.

Sitting at exits and entrances stopping people from going through. 

It was like a pupil teacher exchange.

I think that there were more well meaning and lonely volunteers than there were happy homeless.

So the grave has taken my parents and I’m left here all alone 

with my microwave ready Christmas meal for one. No Gravy.

The small sausage wrapped in bacon. 

Whatever did pigs do to us that we might treat them this way?

One festive day, turkeys and pigs will be doing a jig and with baseball bats and machetes, will be riding e scooters in their hoodies looking for humans to kill.

“I can’t eat this Lionel, its tasteless and full of shit”

We have appropriated a mythical middle eastern man’s birthday and made it our own.

The week between Christmas Day and New Years Day is our Armageddon.

Capitalists worrying about the Economy and Communists worrying about the Collective.

I shall be glad to see it over and I will be relieved to be alone.

While they’re arguing next door I’ll pull a cracker with myself.

Santa went f*****g missing

 

Everybody else was pulling a sickie as Santa was filling his sled. 

Existential ennui overcame him and he went back to fucking bed. 🛏

“They expect me every year then get a local man from 'Rotary' to stand in.

Well they can fuck off this year and get in the fucking bin.

I’ve had a guts full of getting stuck in chimneys, 

of mince pies and wanky piss beer. 

Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas, where’s me fucking deer? 🦌

Those elves are getting on me tits, moaning about going on strike,

Fuck it, I’m a middle aged man with a big fat girth,

I’ll buy me a motorbike. 🏍

I’ll get on down to Aber, to rev me engine and sit on the Prom

I’ll drink till I’m drunk and change me name to Dom"

Santa didn’t realise that Dom meant cow shit in Welsh

and whilst propping up the bar

folk started calling him ‘Dom Da’ 🐄 💩

The people who were fucking suffering were the young folk on minimum wage.

One little kid who was expecting a train set shouted 

“You think you’re the only wage slave?

We’re expected to behave the rest of the year, 

Christmas 🎄 is the only time we can expect a bit of cheer.

They’ve locked us down and "mask up" they bark.

I’d rather be riding round Cardigan Bay on the back of a basking shark. 🦈

So fuck off Santa you lazy ol get 🎅

I wrote to you earlier this year, I told you

I WANT A FUCKING TRAIN SET." 🚆

Dom jumped on his iron horse and back to Lapland he did ride 

By the time he got back to Finland he’d forgotten what the kid in Aber wanted and he sent him a Thai bride.

Dysgu dweud dim

 Un o gwersi mwyaf bywyd ydy dysgu dweud dim.

Mi wnewch chi osgoi ffrae, osgoi cael y bai.

Mi fydd siwrne eich taith yn haws

os allwch ysgwyd eich pen ar ôl cwestiynau traws.

"Beth sy'n bod gyda ti te was?"

Paid ag ymateb, paid fod yn gas.

Mae o fel pasbort i fywyd gwell

ni fydd y man gwyn fan draw mor bell.

Os gei di dy herio gan leisiau miniog main

Jest sefyll ble wyt ti'n stond a gwna fel bwgan brain.

Does dim siawns o ennill, Paid! Paid creu cymhlethdod bennill.

Gwna fel y person bach ar y Prom wrth osgoi sefyll yn y dom

"Say Porthcawl is Best"