Santa went f*****g missing

 

Everybody else was pulling a sickie as Santa was filling his sled. 

Existential ennui overcame him and he went back to fucking bed. 🛏

“They expect me every year then get a local man from 'Rotary' to stand in.

Well they can fuck off this year and get in the fucking bin.

I’ve had a guts full of getting stuck in chimneys, 

of mince pies and wanky piss beer. 

Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas, where’s me fucking deer? 🦌

Those elves are getting on me tits, moaning about going on strike,

Fuck it, I’m a middle aged man with a big fat girth,

I’ll buy me a motorbike. 🏍

I’ll get on down to Aber, to rev me engine and sit on the Prom

I’ll drink till I’m drunk and change me name to Dom"

Santa didn’t realise that Dom meant cow shit in Welsh

and whilst propping up the bar

folk started calling him ‘Dom Da’ 🐄 💩

The people who were fucking suffering were the young folk on minimum wage.

One little kid who was expecting a train set shouted 

“You think you’re the only wage slave?

We’re expected to behave the rest of the year, 

Christmas 🎄 is the only time we can expect a bit of cheer.

They’ve locked us down and "mask up" they bark.

I’d rather be riding round Cardigan Bay on the back of a basking shark. 🦈

So fuck off Santa you lazy ol get 🎅

I wrote to you earlier this year, I told you

I WANT A FUCKING TRAIN SET." 🚆

Dom jumped on his iron horse and back to Lapland he did ride 

By the time he got back to Finland he’d forgotten what the kid in Aber wanted and he sent him a Thai bride.