Ch ch ch ch Changes!

I've got a feeling in my water. Change is on its way and I'm ready.

I haven't written a blog post for 5 days and that is a long time in the cut throat world of Welsh blogs. We are all trying to get your attention. You know the drill by now! You click on the video to get the 'toon' and then you carry on reading. I like how music provides an introduction to drama. You only need the opening, maybe 10 seconds in darkness, the auditorium hushes, lights up. Does expectation in the Theatre meet with Product? I have to say that recently much of what I have observed in live theatre has been a disappointment. Easy for me to say,  'the coward of the county' the man who won't venture out there and put his product on the table for peeps to criticize. There's a lot of bored reviewers out there waiting for blood. I wouldn't have seen these plays if they hadn't been part of the M.A programme that I have just completed the teaching element for. Now its the huge 12,000-14,000 word play and I have to say, I've lost me mojo. I was planning to adapt my real life tale of 'daring-do' 'Amsterdamned' into a play but I don't think it will fit easily into the 5 Act Structure. I have desperately wanted to experiment with form, anarchy, absurdism, agit-propoganda, in yer-face theatre, these are what tick the boxes for the Shark Fisherman of Wales. I don't know if I could watch another naturalistic play again. Every time I've bottled it, I've started with a screaming rant and I've run out of puff. I really don't know if I've got what it takes. I've reverted back to characters talking, dialogue, dualogue. I'm bored of the form.

I purchased for £1.99 in Cardiff's Oxfam bookshop this morning a copy of Ralph Waldo Emerson's 'Self Reliance & Other Essays' hoping that the great man can give me a shot in the arm with his words of wisdom. If you behave yourselves I might write a book review once I've read it but it was the title that got me. Self Reliance! I have to become self reliant now. Well into middle age I have been over reliant on friends and family, on the welfare state and the simple reason is lack of belief in myself. I have abrigated responsibility because I didn't have the self belief in the fact that I could be self reliant. As you may or may not be aware, I lost my freedom because I lost my mind. Freedom is not appreciated until you've lost it. Until you hear that cell door closing, night after night you won't know what a gift your freedom is. So I need to tread a fine line, I have a few responsibilities, a few commitments but not too many that will compromise my mental health (I hope). I digress. I need to write a 'State of the Nation' play and I'm not sure if I've got what it takes. I might never have this opportunity again. I'm not an academic, I couldn't write the heavy stuff. Change is on the way! Change is happening for all of us and in my case it can't come quick enough. 

Self Reliance, here I come.