Microwave ready Christmas meal for one.

 
Microwave ready Christmas Meal for One

Twas the night before Christmas and I went round to the local 24hr garage,

to their chilled section, 

to purchase a Microwave ready Christmas Meal for One 🎅

Done.

There’d be no alcohol and no television.

You see I don’t think Jesus would approve.

It was his birthday after all.

They say that Christmas is for children

but I don’t have any, having not met the correct partner to match my misery.

I’ll sit here in the kitchen watching the garden birds being stalked by the cat.

I will savour the wafer thin Turkey thinking about the life it had led before death.

Had poor ‘gobble’ been crucified like Christ?

Their feathers spreadeagled for the abattoir’s nails.

Two years ago I spent the day with the Homeless talking to a man from the Sudan

and then Covid came like a gift from the East and culled that particular corporate game.

Corporate Crisis at Christmas in a school next to the Grenfell Tower.

Sitting at exits and entrances stopping people from going through. 

It was like a pupil teacher exchange.

I think that there were more well meaning and lonely volunteers than there were happy homeless.

So the grave has taken my parents and I’m left here all alone 

with my microwave ready Christmas meal for one. No Gravy.

The small sausage wrapped in bacon. 

Whatever did pigs do to us that we might treat them this way?

One festive day, turkeys and pigs will be doing a jig and with baseball bats and machetes, will be riding e scooters in their hoodies looking for humans to kill.

“I can’t eat this Lionel, its tasteless and full of shit”

We have appropriated a mythical middle eastern man’s birthday and made it our own.

The week between Christmas Day and New Years Day is our Armageddon.

Capitalists worrying about the Economy and Communists worrying about the Collective.

I shall be glad to see it over and I will be relieved to be alone.

While they’re arguing next door I’ll pull a cracker with myself.

Santa went f*****g missing

 

Everybody else was pulling a sickie as Santa was filling his sled. 

Existential ennui overcame him and he went back to fucking bed. 🛏

“They expect me every year then get a local man from 'Rotary' to stand in.

Well they can fuck off this year and get in the fucking bin.

I’ve had a guts full of getting stuck in chimneys, 

of mince pies and wanky piss beer. 

Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas, where’s me fucking deer? 🦌

Those elves are getting on me tits, moaning about going on strike,

Fuck it, I’m a middle aged man with a big fat girth,

I’ll buy me a motorbike. 🏍

I’ll get on down to Aber, to rev me engine and sit on the Prom

I’ll drink till I’m drunk and change me name to Dom"

Santa didn’t realise that Dom meant cow shit in Welsh

and whilst propping up the bar

folk started calling him ‘Dom Da’ 🐄 💩

The people who were fucking suffering were the young folk on minimum wage.

One little kid who was expecting a train set shouted 

“You think you’re the only wage slave?

We’re expected to behave the rest of the year, 

Christmas 🎄 is the only time we can expect a bit of cheer.

They’ve locked us down and "mask up" they bark.

I’d rather be riding round Cardigan Bay on the back of a basking shark. 🦈

So fuck off Santa you lazy ol get 🎅

I wrote to you earlier this year, I told you

I WANT A FUCKING TRAIN SET." 🚆

Dom jumped on his iron horse and back to Lapland he did ride 

By the time he got back to Finland he’d forgotten what the kid in Aber wanted and he sent him a Thai bride.

Dysgu dweud dim

 Un o gwersi mwyaf bywyd ydy dysgu dweud dim.

Mi wnewch chi osgoi ffrae, osgoi cael y bai.

Mi fydd siwrne eich taith yn haws

os allwch ysgwyd eich pen ar ôl cwestiynau traws.

"Beth sy'n bod gyda ti te was?"

Paid ag ymateb, paid fod yn gas.

Mae o fel pasbort i fywyd gwell

ni fydd y man gwyn fan draw mor bell.

Os gei di dy herio gan leisiau miniog main

Jest sefyll ble wyt ti'n stond a gwna fel bwgan brain.

Does dim siawns o ennill, Paid! Paid creu cymhlethdod bennill.

Gwna fel y person bach ar y Prom wrth osgoi sefyll yn y dom

"Say Porthcawl is Best"             

Words from Wales

 

At last Welsh Labour and Plaid Cymru have put aside their differences to work collaboratively for a better Wales. 

"Parties say deal is not coalition but ‘bespoke agreement’ to create a stable Senedd capable of delivering ‘radical change and reform’"

The small & big C Conservatives in the ranks of Plaid must have invested in new undepants from Peacocks because their nightmare of a Welsh Socialist Utopia has come a step closer. Price, arguably a bigger Socialist than Drakeford himself has been shackled by the straight jacket of old style small n nationalism since becoming Leader as had been his predecessor Leanne Wood. This was borne out by Plaid Cymru's election results for the Senedd back in May.  

Now Price has buried his ego for the sake of the future of a prosperous Wales. "This is Wales and we do things differently here" was the mantra of Mark Drakeford during the Pandemic Lockdown, despite constant sniping from Andrew Roly Taffy Davies of the Conservatives and many pub owners in North Wales who actually decided to drunkenly ban the First Minister from their premises.  👀

I bet Alun 'the snake' Davies doesn't know where to turn now. Having once been high up in Plaid Cymru and now still hanging on by his fingernails in Welsh Labour, this 'ahem' gentleman was a vicious and vigorous critic of Jeremy Corbyn while he was Labour Leader so he might choose to keep schtum for the next three years. "Put your drink down punk and keep your defribillator handy" would be my advice to him. His boot mark, like Tryweryn on a scorched and dry day, can still be seen on my right hand side rib cage and like former assembly member, Neil McEvoy of Fairwater, I don't forgive.

However it is all forgive and forget in the party headquarters of Llafur & Plaid and let us hope that they can keep the One Nation Conservatives the other side of Offa's Dyke, with their tin pot ideas for strengthening the United Kingdom.

Drakeford treated Wales as one distinct unity during the pandemic lockdown, something that no predecessor had had the opportunity to do before. North Wales realised that it had not been forgotten by the Cardiff mandarins. It felt cwtched and protected by the career politicians in Cardiff Bay.

Wales with Drakeford & Price at the helm for the next three years should outsee the wobbling backside of Boris Johnson out of the door of No 10 and perhaps we can hope to see a picture like this one below of  Drakeford and Price before the end of this Senedd term.

Ymlaen to a Welsh Republican Socialist Utopia 

(with chocolate sprinkles on my Latte please boss)      

 

St Ives

 

Another one added to the list.

They say that people make places

but they are incorrect and extrovert.

It is the lack of people that makes a place for an introvert.

Glastonbury, Camden, Lindisfarne, St Ives

All without humans? Now you’re talking.

It was the dogs that floored me.

As a cat man I froze in terror at the hounds on leads,

leading their panting owners to cool (as in not very warm) pasties.

St Ives is another Betws-y-Coed

Lovely, till word gets about, and then you can’t move.

The Gods of the Parking Meter can charge what they like

and they do!

Narrow lanes, Babies in Papooses, Art Galleries

and this was very out of season.

UK Tourism PLC is open for business all year round now.

I was tempted to nick a bucket and spade 

that had been left outside an Air bnb

but making a castle in the winter on a windswept beach can only mean one thing,

that you’re having a nervous breakdown

with your tears making the moat to meet with salty sea.

Somebody would photograph me and put me in the Tate

and then another someone would pay big money

and hang me on their wall.

“Welshman having a meltdown

‘a-rag treth Kernyweg"   

Machete Man

 

I thought the above was an example of road rage but it appears that it may have been gang related. The man in the car knew the man with the Zombie Knife. I was shocked when I saw it first thinking that it was common and garden road rage. Road rage with attitude. It is an example of the insanity that I am obsessed with.

I remember trying to leave Catford once in the rush hour and I witnessed a man get out of his car and jump up on to the footplate and mirrors of a HGV and start banging on the window of the lorry driver's cab.

I remember leaving Sainsburys in Sydenham and making my way back to Downham when a car pulled up alongside and the driver started screaming expletives and swearing at me. I couldn't for the life of me work out what I'd done wrong apart from being in front of my drive by abuser. Yes I do. It has just come back to me. My drive by abuser was driving so close to my boot (bumper) that I slammed on my brakes to warn him off. A high risk strategy because he could have crashed into me. This was before the days of dashcam. He was in the wrong originally but I ended up being in the wrong due to my response.  

Man's insanity to man and especially women. 

It appears that men with machetes are targetting cyclists riding high end bicycles. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-58892191

I must be of a fragile nature because all the above naked aggression and threatening violent behaviour turns me into an amateur psychologist wanting to know the answer to the question why?

I am told that my strategy of dealing with Pure OCD (Intrusive Thoughts) is not the correct one. I utilise Avoidance. 

Why would you go looking for trouble but many of us cannot avoid traffic jams and rush hour and the inevitable danger of road rage that accompanies it.  

You could avoid riding high end bicycles. You could avoid driving flash cars.

"Why should we?" 

There is an old adage that winds many people up "You're asking for trouble" 

Sometimes we are asking for trouble by being in the wrong place at the wrong time, for being the wrong colour, being the wrong gender and being the wrong sexual orientation https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-48555889  

The constant undercurrent of negativity, self loathing and hatred of ourselves and others in society constantly bubbles up to the surface. Who are there to clean up the mess? The Police. They themselves, especially the Met are not immune from the human dis-ease regardless of their (non existant) vetting procedures.

We have a human and humanity problem which is exacerbated by Competition. Finding our place in society defining ourselves through the use of cunning and guile. 

If we can't hack the odds against us, we end up in Prison. Ushered through a Criminal Justice system run by a Mafia of Judges from good schools.

Their mantra is 'let us put Zombie Knife Man behind bars so he cannot upset the genteel middle class. A prison system that alienates even further.

Society cannot be rehabilitated, humanity cannot be rehabilitated.

Mother Nature was doing ok before we turned up and will do quite nicely again once we are gone.

Those Heads of State & Big Wigs at Cop 26 should have been prevented from exhaling all that hot air.

Natural Selection awaits us. 

Please leave your machete at the entrance of Marks & Spencer.           

Mr Ogada

 I've just received correspondence from Mr Ogada.

He seems like a lovely man.

Ms Kristalina Ivanova Georgieva-Kinova

Dear Sir,

We have recently completed our audit of International Monetary Fund (IMF) which we conducted in accordance with International Standards on Auditing (“ISAs”).

In accordance with our normal practice, we write to draw your attention to certain matters which we identified during our audit of the financial statements of International Monetary Fund (IMF) for the year 2021. During the course of our initial audit of the financial statements, we identified unclaimed funds which was approved in your name but has not been paid to the beneficiary.

We were meant to understand from our findings that your payment is being unnecessarily delayed by Payoneers. We certainly do apologize for any inconvenience that this may have caused.

Based on the record in our computer database, after we have verified your payment file your outstanding payment including accrued interest payable, is $21,739,800 [Twenty one million, seven hundred and thirty nine thousand, eight hundred US dollars] only.

It gives me an immense pleasure to inform you that consequent upon ceaseless and sincere efforts of our visionary, Chief Economist of IMF, Ms Kristalina Ivanova Georgieva-Kinova, the current Managing Director (MD) and Chairwoman of the IMF has approved your payment and issued a Cashier Check valued at ($21,739,800) in your name.

All you need to receive your entire funds in a cashier’s check is (Notarized Claimant Affidavit) from International Court of Justice for the release of this sum of money to you as the sole beneficiary, which is a laid down procedure in the financial institution for a situation like this and it is a basic requirement for you to successfully claim the funds.

We usually ship out items to recipients given address in 1 - 2 business days once we confirmed your payment, at the same time, we will email a new invoice to you with the tracking number, you will be tracking your parcel online in 48 hours till you received it.

Please write down your real and correct name and shipping address, including the postal code and your phone number carefully and completely.

With kindest regards,

Mr. Ceda Ogada
Secretary of the Fund and
Director Secretary Department