The Sasquatch of Sasgwent

If you put Chepstow into Google Maps, the American dame the other end

will tell you that you are closing in on 'Sasgwent'

The hard C in Casgwent becomes the soft S in Sarasota

SO 

I thought that I would write a poem called

The Sasquatch of Sasgwent do patrol the old Severn Bridge

not for her the forests and caves of 

Oregon and Washington State

but this tiny corner of South East Wales

She is as old as Brenin Tewdrig

and as young as the emergency alarm in Welsh only

She is a Gwennwys  

She's not a silly arse and has no airs and graces

but you better give her plenty of room 

in the wide open spaces

She'd crush your Tesla with her bare teeth

and drown Elon Musk at the Severn Bore

She was taking tolls when legally allowed to do so

pocketing the cash in her big furry pouch

Whoa betide those who try and mess with 

the Sasquatch of Sasgwent!

You'll wish that you'd never been so cocky 

when she beats you round the back of the head with a hockey 🏑

"Stick that up your jumper" she cries in Gwenhwyseg

On occasion she'd be chatted up by big fat hairy men

from Avonmouth and Bristol

but they soon back away when she shows them her pistol

"It's not safe for a Severn foot eight 

or is that an eight foot Severn lady"

so she has to assert her dominance to males

who can be a right pain in the arse especially in Wales

Heads do turn in the Chepstow Tescos when

 her fist comes down on the self service till 

"They just don't want to employ staff, 

they're putting people out of work"

as she sashays back to the ol Severn Bridge

another day in the life of 

The Sasquatch of Sasgwent.