There was a public information film when I was a kid and a fairy godmother popped up and said " Learn to Swim young man, learn to swim" (and funny enough his name was Dave as well) now I am not the greatest swimmer to this day and I can't say that I have really learnt. If there had been a public information film that had said
" Learn to cry young man"
If you see a woman crying in public it is not an event and she is usually being comforted but if you see a man crying in public it is big news. Crying like domestic violence is something that is kept indoors. Only let out on special occasions. There is laughter therapy and happiness classes but I wonder if it was culturally acceptable to cry, whether more of us would do it?!I don't know how much notice of other people you take when you are out and about but I the Shark Fisherman of Wales don my frozen face. I used to be expressive and my emotions would be betrayed in my face but not anymore. I have a frozen face in public. Usually I wear sunglasses but if not I usually stare straight ahead not catching any bodies eye. Any extended interaction with a stranger or somebody not known to me can lead to anxiety so I do not tend to seek out anxiety inducing situations. Frozen faces and hard hearts can lead to all manner of health conditions. For somebody who used to be in touch with their emotions, somebody who felt the feels, a cold curtain has now descended. I don't want anybody to know my inner workings, only what I tell them, only what I micro manage. This blog has been a great help to me and I suppose what I write is a form of crying in word form, a cry for help.
Where I think the urge or need to cry comes from is a build up of guilt, shame and frustration. I think, unless we are practising Buddhists that we men are chock full of these emotions. They can be annulled by a night of heavy drinking or by a bout of a contact sport but being a frozen face is detrimental to your physical and mental health or your holistic health to coin a phrase. Our poorly learnt coping strategies begin in childhood and teenage years and the inner shame we feel, we feel it as weakness and how can you be weak when you have to compete with other men all the time? You don't allow yourself to be weak so you find compensation strategies to cover up these self perceived weaknesses. You become a frozen face. We become emotionally detached from our inner workings, we become distrustful of others because we think that they are going to press our buttons and force us to reveal our weaknesses. I am not sure how I manage any meaningful conversations anymore. I don't. I blog about my frustrations and my frozen face.
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