My love is like a seaside collecting box made out of a mine

My Love

is like a seaside collecting box made out of a mine.

Tic Toc, Tic Toc it's only a matter of time.

The wrong word, a look, a sniff

Tic Toc, we're on for another tiff.

If walking on eggshells was an Olympic Sport

I'd be a world champion, first off the court.

I've heard all these love songs that make it sound worthwhile

but in my experience

it's all about strength, cunning and guile.

Who has got the 'power strokes' today?

Have a guess, yeah and she's coming out to play.

She's wearing red with a fetching white stripe 

her antennae finely tuned  

and there's me bobbing along like a battle ship

unaware of her open wound

the sharks and killer whales are strangely silent now

'ZAP', 'BAM', she hits me with a Batman 'POW'

I'm reeling back through the coral reef

 seeing star fish, don't want no beef 

Call me a cynic, 

Yeah I know love is as perennial as the grass

pass me a phial of arsenic

I think I'd rather pass.