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Saturday, 29 July 2023

Guest Blog Post: Author Ekaterina Netchitailova

 


So Ekaterina Netchitailova welcome to Shark Fishing in Wales as Guest Author and thank you for agreeing to answer my questions.

Can I check is it Netchitailova or Petrovna?

This is a very good question, and the answer is quite long, reflecting my family name, which is Netchitailova. It means 'unreadable' in Russian, which is a pity as one of my greatest passions in life is writing! Petrovna is a patronym. We all have it, back in Russia. It reflects the name of your father. My dad's first name is Petr, and therefore, I am Petrovna. If I lived in Russia, I would be called Ekaterina Petrovna by people who don't know me well, or in official settings. Here, everyone calls me just Ekaterina, but you can also call me Katia. It's another thing in Russia, - the first names have their own variations. Svetlana becomes Sveta, Aleksandra is Sasha, Daria is Dasha, and Ekaterina is Katia.

I understand that it's all a bit confusing, but that's what different cultures and traditions are for - to know something interesting. I think that knowledge of different cultures and national habits enriches our lives! 

When did you first begin writing and in what language?

I started to write at the age of fourteen, and in Russian. I lived in Moscow then and reading was my greatest pleasure in life. I tried to write, and even won a third place at one of the writing competitions at my school, but didn't pursue this hobby until the age of twenty-seven, right after my experience with a psychosis. Writing helped me to recover and make sense of what was happening to me on a spiritual level. Since then I can't stop writing. It became a passion. I also write in English, which might appear as weird, but I love the English language and often think in English. 

Who were your main writing influences?

My main writing influence is Master and Margarita by Bulgakov.  The book tells two parallel stories. In one story Bulgakov tells about the devil visiting the Soviet Union, and in his second story, he tells the reader about Jesus. I read the book for the first time when I was twelve, which is a bit early for such a profound and deep novel, but I fell in love with it at once. I couldn't stop laughing from the second page, and I remember thinking back then: 'wow, this is the best book ever'. Bulgakov had an incredible ability to combine humour with magic, and serious discussion of the meaning of life, and our existence. I wish I could write something like this! 

Are you a big reader?

Yes, when I have time. I read everyday, even if it's for five minutes. I have a busy life: my work, raising my son, writing when I can find time, improving my Dutch language skills. In the past, before the birth of my son, I could spend an entire day reading. It helped me to escape to a better world. 

Who are your favourite authors and why are they your favourite authors.

So many! Well, I already mentioned Bulgakov. I love his writings because he had incredibly unusual stories. The devil visiting the Soviet Union - how cool is that?!

I also love short stories of Chekov. He had a subtle way to laugh about the grotesque occurrences: bureaucracy, corruption, judgemental way of looking at others. 

In poetry I admire Anna Achmatova and her gentle way of writing.

I also like Paulo Coelho, as his books appeal to me on a spiritual level. I am a big fan of Kate Atkinson, and especially 'Life after Life'. I love the Belgian writer Amelie Nothomb, and read her in French. I like also a good crime story, and I don't really have a favorite genre - I just love well-written books. Nikki French, Sophie Hannah and many others help me to relax and enjoy reading.

You are a blogger like myself. Tell us about your blogging history.

Well. I have been a blogger for a long time, but a blogger with stupid history. I first launched one blog and once it became more or less popular, I deleted it. I did it to two other blogs to mine. I suffer from imposter syndrome. Who am I really, writing in English that isn't even my native language? But with age and acquiring maturity I decided to stick to my writing. First of all, I really love writing, and secondly, I do have a story to tell. With my experience of psychoses maybe I can connect with a few isolated hearts, and appeal to them. But I also write about different countries where I lived, and about life in general.  

Now you also like me, are a self published author! Can you tell us why you went down the self publishing route.

My dream is to publish with a traditional big publisher one day. But I decided to publish my story 'Elena: A Love Story for Humankind', because I didn't have the energy to look for an agent. The book was written with such a speed (two months) and flow that I couldn't wait to share it with others, but if a traditional publisher approaches me, I will be the happiest person on earth.  

You are a multilingual author. How many languages do you speak?

I speak four languages. Russian, French, English and Dutch. That's because I lived in four different countries (in two of them twice). I love languages and discovering different cultures. 

Why did you decide to write in English?

I love the English language. It's the language that many people speak around the globe and I like the idea that people from different countries can easily read what I have to say. 

Could you tell us about your first book please and how it came about?

My first book (unpublished) is a memoir. It's a memoir about my psychoses, about Russia and living in the West. It's a work of many years, changing along with my perception of what was happening to me.  

Do you have any writing tips for aspiring authors? What has worked for you in  the past?

I am an aspiring author myself! But the tip I would give any writer is that it's the process that matters, more than the outcome. Writing heals, writing boots creativity and imagination. The sweet moments when one is 'in the flow' is a gift from the universe. It's good, of course, to get a publishing deal at the end, but it's the journey that really matters. For me, writing is relaxation for my brain. I literally feel it unwinding. Therefore, my advice is: enjoy it.

Do you have a strict writing discipline or do you wait for inspiration to strike?

I try to write everyday when I am on holidays, and on weekends when I am working. So, yes, I have a writing discipline, but not that strict.  

What have you learnt about the nuts and bolts of self publishing? Cover Design, Editing, Readership and Marketing.

Well, one sure thing is that you need some budget for marketing! How, otherwise, can you reach your audience? It's very hard to grow organically nowadays (without promotion), because of the saturation of online social networks. Therefore the only way to get your book out where is to have some money to promote it.  However, based on my own experience, I think that being published by a traditional publisher is still the best way for an aspiring author. They have expertise, readership, and design teams. 

Tell us about your work in progress, namely 'The Russian Patient'. Isn't this the title of one of your blogs?

It was, but I renamed my blog into Porcupines Wisdom, as it's my writing that I find important and not where I come from. But there is a book, called The Russian Patient, which is a memoir.  

Without giving too much away 'What can you tell us about your Work in Progress?"

So, I have The Russian Patient (memoir, which is unpublished), Elena: A Love Story for Humankind, that is available on Amazon. I also have an entire first part in the series of two books called 'Outsiders, and am writing a new novel, whose subject I want to keep private for now:) 

When do you hope to publish it and how? Self Publish or Traditional Route?

Traditional route! I love bookstores, and prefer myself to buy books that have been published by a traditional publisher, as it assures the quality of writing. 

Have you sent your work out to agents and publishers in the past?

Yes, I did. I did it with The Russian Patient, and I had an agent who was interested, but the book needed more work! 

 Finally could you tell us how being a citizen with a dual Russian/Ukrainian family lineage, that this war and conflict has impacted you as a writer and perhaps more pertinently as a human being.

I discuss this painful subject in one of my blog posts.

https://porcupineswisdom.org/2021/12/10/growing-up-in-the-soviet-union-a-short-story-about-russia-and-ukraine/



Ekaterina Netchitailova



Wednesday, 26 July 2023

Ar Bigau'r Drain



Dwi ar bigau'r drain ag dwni'm pam. 

Dych chi'n cael y teimlad ble dych i dan fygythiad. Bygythiadau ym mhob man. Bygythiadau dychmygol yn aml iawn. Dyma sut mae pobol propaganda yn gweithio. Yn pwyso eich botymau ofn yn eich isymwybod. Yr amgen, yr arall, yr eraill.

Oes yna air Cymraeg am gaslighting dw’ch? Mae rhai pobol dych chi'n adnabod yn chwarae ar eich ofnau ac yn cael hwyl yn gwneud hynny. Mae yn rhoi pleser iddynt i weld chi yn anghyffyrddus.

Mae hunan addoliad, hunan serch yn perthyn i rai pobol. Y narcissists bondigrybwyll. Sut ydach chi'n gwybod os dych chi'n delio gyda hunan-addolwr? Dydy o ddim gwastad yn glir. Maent yn gallu cuddio tu ôl i gyfaredd, swyn.

Mae'r hunan addolwr eisiau rhywbeth oddi wrthoch chi. Gan amlaf rhywbeth ni allant gymryd meddiant ohono sef eich enaid neu eich urddas, eich haelioni neu eich uniongyrchedd.

Maent yn gweithio arnoch chi fel dŵr yn llifo dros garreg. Jest digon bob tro i greu anniddigrwydd ond y swyn yn aros yn yr atgof. Dych chi'n mynd nôl am fwy a fwy o gamdriniaeth emosiynol ag dych chi jest ddim yn deall pam. 

Mae'r hunan-addolwr wedi sylwi eich bod yn dioddef o hunan barch isel ac maent yn chwarae ar y ffaith yna bob tro dych chi'n cwrdd. Mae ymostyngiad neu 'condescension' yn arf mawr yn ei arfogaeth oherwydd maent yn ymwybodol yn y faith eich bod wedi cael eich cywilyddio gan bobol mewn awdurdod yn y gorffennol. Sut maen nhw yn gwybod? 

Oherwydd maen nhw wedi dioddef yr un fath ond maent wedi delio gyda'r siom mewn ffordd wahanol. Mae nhw wedi troi mewn i'r person wnaeth cywilyddio nhw. Fel cameleon dynol maent yn gallu trawsnewid ei phersonoliaeth a'i ddull o fod yn syth os yw'r sefyllfa yn gofyn am hynny. Y sefyllfa yna ydy'r un ble maent yn ei elwa.  Gan amlaf yn ariannol ond yn gyffredinol yn emosiynol. Mae rhaid iddynt ddod allan o bob cyfarfod tasant nhw yn dod allan o ornest, wedi i'w ennill.

Dim ond yn ddiweddar yn fy oes dwi wedi dod yn ymwybodol o'r fath bobol. Bobol sydd ddim yn stret gyda chi. Bobol gydag agendor. Bobol sydd yn atgyfnerthu'r teimlad ynddoch chi na dim ond yn ymwneud gyda chi i elwa mewn rhyw ffordd.

Mae hwn yn gallu bod yn sefyllfa anodd i chi oherwydd mae bob achos fel hyn yn gwanhau eich ymddiriedolaeth yn y natur ddynol ag mi rydych yn cilio mwy a mwy rhag ymwneud a phobol. 

Dwi a'r bigau'r drain.     

Sunday, 16 July 2023

A Letter to an Invisible Man

 

A Letter to an Invisible Man

 


Wotcher Cock? How invisible do you feel today? Not invisible enough eh?

Toxic Masculinity and the Patriarchy giving you a bad name.

Your twenty years of fame are surely to blame.

To go from a somebody to a nobody in one quick exposure was always your plan.

Thanatos planted by ‘cywilydd Capel’

 

It’s a funny old game innit, celebrity, fame

We’re all blaming the Sun but that newspaper is our collective subconscious

It is the swamp of our minds writ large

By screaming blue murder at it we’re screaming at ourselves

You haven’t read enough Self Help books, go look on the shelves.

 

The loneliness and isolation you must have felt all these years

as a ‘Trophy Welshman’ holding your own among the British Establishment

We would admire your suit and curled lip and unfinished croissant

“Didn’t he do well” “Look you, indeed to goodness he’s one of our own”

The ebullient personality and dark moods.

 

Now in a Hospital bed you think back to all you have lost

But think to what you have gained

The knowledge that heterosexuality, marriage and family is all a game

It is within those prisons that men hide all their shame

It’s out now, so you are free.

Friday, 30 June 2023

The Scrapyard of Life

 

AN ANTI-CAR CULTURE POEM



 

You and your car are driving me mad


20mph is too high


If I had my way I'd make you crawl along like a snail


The particulates in your exhaust emmissions are the nails in the coffin of a pedestrian's lungs


If I ran the Department of Transport I'd make everyone carry a bike on a roof rack


and when I pulled you over dressed as a cop


I'd force you to struggle to your destination and I'd take a sledgehammer to your car 


and with an iron bar I'd scratch 'CLIMATE CHANGE' into your door.


You haven't got a clue because you're an unconscious bastard queuing for your MACCY D's 


in the DRIVE THRU


You're shit, eating shit, sitting in shit


You're driving us all to our deaths


How many automobiles do you think there are in the world?


Bring back the Trabant driven by smoking beagles wearing Nazi uniforms


Bring back the Model T Ford and its crank handle


Shall we start over again?


Have an automobile amnesty


Hand your car in, in return for your legs?


Only blue badgers allowed to wreak havoc


I keep looking on Autotrader like an auto addict, a jalopy junky


Maybe just one more


The next car could be the answer to my dreams


I awake in a cold sweat


I am stuck in the car in the scrapyard of life 

Tuesday, 13 June 2023

Dancefloor Disassociation

Dancefloor Disassociation

 

 

The late eighties and early nineties were my domain

but I was too square for rave and too scared of drugs

so it was off to Clwb Ifor Bach we trooped

with pounds in our pockets and hope in our hearts.

Sticky floors and loud music, sick in the bogs!

I wasn’t but it was always there, in the urinal or on the floor.

Some band that we’d come to talk over.

The S4C actors we admired and wanted to be

thinking “What must it be like to play for a living?”

My mates were all having fun or so it seemed

but I was starting to disassociate, to switch off and wind down.

Not in a chilled out fashion but in a “What is the point kind of way?”

They can’t hear you talking over the din and this is not the place

to discuss Mao’s Red Book or the impossibility of Welsh Independence.

I was shit scared of girls/women and the more I drank, the crazier I became.

I wanted to talk about revolution

they drank their Bacardi and thought I was insane.

Almost always leaving early for the shuffle and stagger down Westgate Street

It was what everybody did so I did it too

but I hated it.    


https://sharkfishinginwales.blogspot.com/2012/01/booze.html

Sunday, 21 May 2023

Maskulinity

 😷

The Mask of Masculinity 

(Maskulinity)


Are you hiding behind the mask of masculinity? I am and have been all my teenage and adult life.When does a boy become a man? At age 13, 17, 19 or 21? I bought shaving cream and a razor from the chemist (pharmacy) at six months before I shaved my face for the first time. I remember the anticipation of becoming a man and this was one visual sign of it.  

I haven't looked back since then. The two faced adult man I have become is too scared to look back at the boy I used to be.

I had my first pint on my 17th birthday. A pint of Woodpecker Cider poured from the bottle in the local village pub. I had been comatose from alcohol poisoning just before this when I drank 5 tumblers of gin and orange juice while burning my school reports on the coal fire. I remember cutting the wood earlier in the day ready for the symbolism later on. I think at age 17 was when I became a man because it was at that age that I realised that school had been a sham. I read every scrawled report out loud with the name of the teacher then downed a slug of more or less neat alcohol and sent the report up the chimney.It was my recent competitive past going up in flames.My mother got a bucket out and I spewed my ring into that all night before passing out 

It was a school that had taught me about failure. I and the school reports had branded myself a failure after 6 years of compulsory education in a Dickensian hellhole in north Wales. Failing the eponymous O levels to embark on a fruitless job search that bore no resemblance to the career dreams that I had once entertained in the long and much needed school holidays. It was a school where rugby, cricket and athletics were the currency of competition and when myself and a pal agreed halfway around the running track that we wouldn't race but would cross the line at exactly the same time in an early gesture of 🖕to enforced competition. We were punished by being sent on a 6 mile cross country run immediately after strolling across the finishing line.

Failure was my right of passage. At age 21 I donned the mask of masculinity. I lost my virginity at that late age and got thrush from the encounter. I call it an encounter because it was drunken fumbling with a brash and brazen femme fatale in a row of flats above a clothes shop in Colwyn Bay who had spewed her ring on the floor below while looking for the toilet. I only mention this because a flatmate stepped in it the following morning and shouted up just as I was studying the red itchy marks on the end of my 'Johnson'. Spewing rings and Johnson should really be the title of this blog post.

I also voted in a General Election for the first time at the advanced age of 21 and the result of that was as satisfying as the drunken fumbled encounter. A stubby smudged cross on a voting slip from the end of my pencil. It was the age of Margaret Thatcher and full on Toryism so whatever you voted you were bound to be negated by the forces of unfettered 
individualism. Buy your own Council House why don't you?

Making your mark as a man was as difficult in those days as it is today. The biggest mask that man has to hide behind is in the competitive world of work. I wont detail my chequered work history but I did try and don that mask from the ages of 21-39. At 39 I took early retirement so this year I will have been retired from the mask of work for as long as I was wearing it. The mask of masculinity requires you to be hunter, gatherer and provider. I had too much cerebral interference to fall into those roles but I am unusual in that respect. I wonder what percentage of men find themselves in the role of father, husband, partner, provider and then never question those roles?

I believe that it is the weight of expectation from 'masculinity' and the fact that so many men have to pretend to be the idealised definition of masculinity that is killing so many of us so young.

In an age of comparison websites we live in the goldfish bowl of a comparison website comparing our own masculinity to that of others. Masculinity needs to be redefined by a critical mass of men. Redefined within the framework of kindness, empathy and compassion. Yes, the dreaded 'Woke'. Personality traits associated with femininity but ones that 'mansplainers' and 'toxic masculinity' need to claim. Two terms that have likely been coined by women. Has masculinity become so toxic in the eyes of women because men have lost insight into what makes 'humanity' and have got lost in toxic competition.

Masculinity has become toxic because men are wearing a mask that they don't understand why they are wearing it in the first place. The mask has become an appendage waved in the face of the unsuspecting through violence and sexual violence. Does toxic capitalism lead to toxic masculinity? The kindness, empathy and compassion that men have innately are jettisoned somewhere between the ages of 13 and 21. At 21 the limbic system switch is triggered and we become cave men again. Working all hours in a job that does not stimulate and satisfy then binge drinking and drug taking on the weekend to numb reality.

I am not convinced that any of us know what we are doing. So many of us are unconscious, driving around in the biggest cars that money can buy despite the warnings of protestors.

There will be men who having read this will be even more convinced that I am wrong and that masculinity needs to return to the 'stiff upper lip' and 'Don't cry'. Reframed by Jordan Peterson and Andrew Tate. I am convinced that those two more than any others are the ones that wear the masc of maskulinity.      

The Sasquatch of Sasgwent

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David's books

How To Be Idle
Second Sight
Freud: The Key Ideas
The Yellow World
Intimacy: Trusting Oneself and the Other
Going Mad?: Understanding Mental Illness
Back To Sanity: Healing the Madness of Our Minds
Ham on Rye
Electroboy: A Memoir of Mania
Memories, Dreams, Reflections
Mavericks
Murder in Amsterdam: The Death of Theo van Gogh and the Limits of Tolerance
On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft
I Bought a Mountain
Hovel in the Hills: An Account of the Simple Life
Ring of Bright Water
The Thirty-Nine Steps
A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life's Purpose
The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment
The Seat of the Soul


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