Scrapyard on the Moon

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SCRAPYARD ON THE MOON

 

Houston, we have a scrapyard on the moon.

After 55 years we have a rocket with a broken leg listing on its side.

Unbeknown to NASA the spirit of Steptoe and Son had hitched a ride.

There’s now a functioning rag and bone operation where everything is broken down.

Wilfred Bramble and Harry H. Corbett will make you frown.

They are pioneers of the horse and cart.

The rubbish from earth will make a lunar start.

We’ve got to put it somewhere.

We’re producing loads of it.

Behind the nag with a shovel and space suit waiting for it to shit 🐴💩

Good for the gravity defying roses but remember to hold your noses.🌹👃

There will be space cats wearing flat caps 😺

Owls strapped in with bats.🦉🦇

Arriving from a dirty and over populated earth

The answer is to ship it to the moon, what mirth! Ooh no, titter ye not.

This is NASA’s ARK even though the lasers are not working.

A full moon will now mean that rubbish is there

Old tyres, rusting hulks and picnic chairs.

It’s where the man on the moon will sit with traffic cone and placard

SORRY WE’RE FULL OF THE EARTH’S SHITE   

If you like the cut of my giblets then you can read more 'poetry' by me here

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Back to Normal #poetry #poetryanthology

Roses are red but now they are in a skip

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Roses are red but now they are in a skip

I went into a corner Co-op in Brum

and I heard this song

 

 as I paid for my sandwich and yoghurt at the robot

I thought that intimacy was intricacy.

It was the night for 'Oversharers Anonymous'

Yearning for love is a curse

because it makes you weak and vulnerable

it attracts people intent on trouble.

Valentine's is a scam

Ding Ding went the West Midlands Tram

as I caught the eyes of a girl

young enough to be my grandaughter.

She felt curiosity

I felt nothing

My passion and lust had turned to rust

My chances had gone

Maybe I'd been wrong that love was a sham

Trudging to a hotel room in the drizzly rain

even the homeless could feel my pain.

They handed me flowers and showered me with love 🌹

out of a corner palisade flew a cooing white dove🕊

The Welshman with a hardened heart

had to find a way to make a start.

The cynicism and distrust, the wariness and weariness

had to be alchemised into softness.

Electronic card turns on the light

Kettle, Telly and Phone

A night's restless sleep

and in the morning leaving for the journey home

Roses are red but now they are in a skip.

💘

I really hate travelling by train

🚆

I really hate travelling by train 

I really don’t get it

It’s probably me

but I really hate travelling by train.

If the train was empty and it was just me and the driver

but knowing me I’d be on the one with a skiver.

It would be stuck in Machynlleth in the wind and the rain 🌧

Honestly every journey I’ve ever taken they’ve all been a pain.

If you reserve a seat as they encourage you to do

there’s somebody sitting in it smelling of pooh 💩

No, that is my breath as I moan and groan

and go and sit cramped next to somebody on phone.📵

It’s survival of the fittest when travelling by train

The suit with the whiskey and the thousand yard stare 👀

The whimpering shopper with bags all agog 🛍🛒

Oh for fuck’s sake what’s that through my legs? 

They’ve let on a fucking dog 🐶🐩

It’s not a guide or emotional support

It’s just some selfish, spoilt talkative person who think they’re a God 

and “there’s summat wrong with you if you don’t like me pooch”

Why did I give up drinking? I could knock back some hooch.🍾

I’ve stood all the way from Leeds to Manchester

all the way from Birmingham to York   

If the conductor asks to see my ticket

I’m going to balk

“How do you justify the cost even with a third off?”

“Talk to the Manager”

The Ticket Office is closed

as I traipse home in the wind and the rain

wishing I could give Stephenson a rocket.

Then in an epiphany, a delirium, a dream

I realised it wasn’t trains that I hated

only crowds of people

The Train Loving Sheeple.   🐑

Mae'r Byd wedi mynd yn Benwan

 Mae'r byd wedi mynd yn benwan

Mae'r byd wedi mynd yn benwan

Dydy o ddim yn deg i feio fo gyd ar Wncl Sam?

Ymerodraethau hanesyddol, dyna chi lond ceg 

ag i ni'r Gymru fach yn ceisio hwylio'n deg

Mae'r byd wedi mynd yn benwan

Mae Biden yn cael ei godro gan rhai tu ôl i'r llen

Mae Sunak a Starmer yn uchel ei gloch

yn ceisio cystadlu gyda Big Ben

Mae'r byd wedi mynd yn benwan

Lladdfa ar ei weithaf ers tro byd

Y gwahaniaeth fod y camera yn ei eneidiau

yn dal drych i fyny i'n cyndeidiau

I ni'r bobol gyffredin mor di bŵer ag erioed

cerdded a marchio, chwifio baneri, gobaith wrth ein traed

Netanyahu ai lygaid du di marw

Yn defnyddio Hydref 7fed i dasgu mwy o waed

Mae'r byd wedi mynd yn benwan

chi di clywed fi erbyn hyn

Dwi'n mynd yn ailadroddus

fel hanes!  

I hope that we beat Shrewsbury on Sunday

I hope that we beat Shrewsbury on Sunday

because I was meant to get there last Tuesday

Storm Henk was driving the train from Aber

and told us to get off at Mach.

It was pissing down and staff were handing out bottled water.

After three quarters of an hour 2 Rail Replacement Buses turn up to take us via Trallwng

to Amwythig but by this stage I was feeling rather chwithig.   

I am a miserable bastard at the best of times but this was the worst of times.

A journey that made a toddler sitting next door scream all the way and be sick

saw me disembarking muttering “Iesu what a cruel trick”

At Shrewsbury the ticket gates were closed

 and "CANCELLED" was the answer to every question.

After a coffee and deep sighing, a man and a walkie talkie shouts “Aberystwyth’

I was meant to travel a lot further but discretion is the better part of valor

and a train where a coach had been chugged us back over a track that now worked.

Confused?

I was when I was told to get off at Mach and back on a bus to Aber.

I had no sage and to cleanse my soul I walked back home from there.

So you see

I hope that we beat Shrewsbury on Sunday

because Amwythig sure as hell beat me.      

Trallwng: Welshpool

Amwythig: Shrewsbury

Chwithig: Strange

Iesu: Jesus

The man who murdered the double Ll

 I bear them no ill will but they are murdering the double Ll

In the North it was Klangolken, Klandudno and Henklan

Down by ere it is Nadolig Klawen

Machynlleth goes by the name of Mycuntlet

Dolgellau is Dolgerloo

In a game of Cluedo Cymraeg it would be the Radio 4 Announcer

in the studio with a microphone and an anglophone education.

A tourist in a pub or shop where they walk in and everyone

speaks Cymraeg.

"Here mate, if I want to feel like a second class citizen

then I'll go to Spain"

"Oh really? the Spanish speaking part or the Catalan speaking part or perhaps Gwlad y Basg?"

"The Bulldog Bar on the Costa Del Sol if you must know" 

It's Toffs and Working Class Tories that are murdering the double Ll

The Middle Class will have a bloody good go at it, chwarae teg.

It's the dismissive types, the ones who haven't got the time

or who don't see the point.

I mean they don't have to mention us at all really

We're just a footnote in history

but if you are going to try and announce it

STOP MURDERING THE DOUBLE Ll