I really hate travelling by train

🚆

I really hate travelling by train 

I really don’t get it

It’s probably me

but I really hate travelling by train.

If the train was empty and it was just me and the driver

but knowing me I’d be on the one with a skiver.

It would be stuck in Machynlleth in the wind and the rain 🌧

Honestly every journey I’ve ever taken they’ve all been a pain.

If you reserve a seat as they encourage you to do

there’s somebody sitting in it smelling of pooh 💩

No, that is my breath as I moan and groan

and go and sit cramped next to somebody on phone.📵

It’s survival of the fittest when travelling by train

The suit with the whiskey and the thousand yard stare 👀

The whimpering shopper with bags all agog 🛍🛒

Oh for fuck’s sake what’s that through my legs? 

They’ve let on a fucking dog 🐶🐩

It’s not a guide or emotional support

It’s just some selfish, spoilt talkative person who think they’re a God 

and “there’s summat wrong with you if you don’t like me pooch”

Why did I give up drinking? I could knock back some hooch.🍾

I’ve stood all the way from Leeds to Manchester

all the way from Birmingham to York   

If the conductor asks to see my ticket

I’m going to balk

“How do you justify the cost even with a third off?”

“Talk to the Manager”

The Ticket Office is closed

as I traipse home in the wind and the rain

wishing I could give Stephenson a rocket.

Then in an epiphany, a delirium, a dream

I realised it wasn’t trains that I hated

only crowds of people

The Train Loving Sheeple.   🐑