I had two friends who both lost parents. I sent them 'In Sympathy' cards. They complained down the line that cards were what girls and women did. I thought 'there's gratitude for you'. What did they want? for me to slap them on the back and buy them a pint?! Showing compassion and empathy is not a 'man thing'. Suck it up buttercup and get back to work.
I have lost both parents in the space of nine weeks. They both reached good ages so no complaints there but their endings on this world are not what they or the family would have wanted. Mam did not want to go into hospital for tests to find out what was wrong with her. She knew that her health was declining since losing her mobility over a year ago and after a pacemaker operation and becoming bed bound she was dispatched from this world by use of syringe driver. Never heard of it? Don't worry, not many have. My Auntie had been dispatched that way in 2019 so I had heard of it but had not seen one until they produced one for Mam in a tamper proof plastic case. A syringe full of morphine (or substitute due to a Global shortage) and other drugs that have different jobs to do as a relatively pain free death takes place. A syringe driver takes away the pain and discomfort of dying as your bodily organs pack up but they also hasten the end.
Dad went into hospital with a kidney infection but because of advanced age and the fact that he'd been in previously just a month before meant that he was at a higher risk of catching MRSA which is what happened and developed septicaemia nine weeks after Mam left us. Apparently they test for MRSA when the patient is admitted but not when they are discharged so he could have picked it up the deadly bug the first time he was in. He was also dispatched with the aid of syringe driver. Once the needle went in to the stomach area both were dead within 48 hours.
As a local carer kindly said 'Once that goes in, there ain't no coming back'. Dad didn't want to die. He was alive until he was dead. Mam's decline was gradual and she said many times that she did not want to be here. Nobody really wants to die, they just want to be out of pain. Age is a determining factor. The life expectancy for a woman is 83.1 and 79.4 for men in the UK so both my parents smashed those records handsomely.
We received many 'In Sympathy' cards for Mam and they are starting to trickle in for Dad and I was grateful for each and every one and some I believe actually came from men. It's not the card itself, but the thought, the verse, the anecdote, the memory or the tribute that is hand written that is worth its weight in gold at a time like this.
How many 'In Sympathy' Cards should we be sending to Palestine?
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