Bullshit aka The Big I am

Today is the first anniversary of Sharkfishinginwales, a small boutique blog full of self indulgence and ephemera floating around in one man's subconscious like the pink toilet paper and stools floating off Barry Island. 
This was my first ever Blog post http://sharkfishinginwales.blogspot.co.uk/2012/01/toxic-kairdiff.html
It started off as a Farewell letter to Cardiff. A Capital City of a Country not a Principality. I have been a resident here since 1988. A quarter of a century and all I have to show for it is a Blog and a Mental Health Diagnosis. In this time my house has gone from becoming a prison to a home. Houses are neutral. It is how we are within them that counts. I have gone from being very negative and a hater to slighly more positive and hating less. Perhaps this comes with age! I have tried to maintain a light touch to the Blog. Although prone to anxiety and sadness I find it increasingly hard to take life seriously. It is patently absurd. As an older single man I am realising how important it is to have hobbies. From none for many years I am now developing an interest and passion in gardens and growing and allotments et al. I love walking and walk everywhere. Writing will always be a passion but I am not so hard with myself on deadlines and commitment but perhaps this is a bad thing. In this year I have crossed the rubicon from ESA to JSA. Since my diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder in 2006 I have been interrogated by Atos 4 times. The last time in my mother tongue. I didn't see much point in appealing. My mental health has improved and I attribute a good deal of that to writing the blog. I find it very cathartic. I worked for 18 years prior to diagnosis so was just getting a return on my investment. Critics might say that it's like 'Hanging out your dirty washing' in public but like Buzby I believe that it's good to talk.

I am volunteering with a substance abuse charity and ostensibly I am content.  I am anticipating bereavements and I am trying to emotionally and mentally prepare myself for these. I am working on my fear and distrust of the opposite gender by trying to develop friendships rather than romantic attachments. I believe that it is important for a man to work on understanding women as human beings and not as love interests or sexual beings as some of us are  conditioned especially those of us who suffered single sex education.
Most of all I have been given time. My mind and body have demanded 'Time Out' from the collective insanity. To filter out what works and what insults my soul. Time to step out, Time to become more confident and time to enjoy life.