Complementary Gender

I believe that 'Complementary Gender' is the New Age term for 'Opposite Sex'. This blog post carries a trigger warning and it is quite possible that it will trigger men and women alike. I write this through the prism and prison of mental health, trying to understand my own feelings and getting it down on paper or computer screen is my therapy. I can only apologise to those reading in advance if they are offended by my opinions and views. Right let's get down to it! As a Limey, catching bits and bobs of the Senate Committee hearing regarding Christine Blasey Ford and Brett Kavanaugh I am struck how unfair the whole 'caboose' is. Men in suits interrogating or listening intently and deciding on the ultimate career progression of an alleged sexual attacker based on the  victim's testimony. It is not Brett Kavanaugh who is on trial here. It is Donald Trump. He comes across as a nasty bit of work ol Kavanaugh but he is Donald Trump's fall guy. Could this be a practice run for the much hoped for impeachment? Let's hope so. Brett Kavanaugh is 53 years old. He is a year and a few weeks older than me. He is a successful Judge, I am an unemployed bum. What we have in common is a negative attitude towards women or alleged attitude in his case. This is one reason why I stopped drinking his favourite beverage of beer. It would make me negative and resentful. I lashed out once at a former girlfriend with my leg when I was drunk. I did not connect but the intent was obvious. I tried to kick her and by implication I tried to hurt her physically. I have done a lot of negative things in my drink but thankfully not rape. I used to drink to alleviate the symptoms of intrusive thoughts in OCD. Pure O. The problem with that is that the intrusive thoughts come back with a vengeance the morning after, usually a Sunday. Thoughts of a hugely morbid, negative and disturbing nature, to me anyways. Thoughts that I could do nothing about. 

I went to a single sex school, from the ages of 11-17. Formative years where I had very little if no contact with girls and women. My OCD, my intrusive thoughts and my mental health took a dive when I was 13. From the age of 17 until now I have avoided women. I was too shy, too introverted, too scared of rejection. I have had girlfriends but they have happened by accident, the relationship either instigated by them or by me when drunk. I'm not sure about the States but in the UK the culture we grew up in was the pop culture of Gary Glitter, Stuart Hall, Rolf Harris and Jimmy Saville. These were the predatory males strutting their stuff on the public stages of the late 70s and early 80s. We didn't know until this century that they were so depraved and disfunctional. Boys and  Men grew  up in a sexist and misogynistic culture and it is only by looking back from the present can we see how pre-historic those times were. At the time, it appears to have been accepted as the norm. We were brought up in a homophobic culture. Any hint or whiff of same sex attraction carried condemnation. The above is not an excuse but it is an explanation of a cultural problem that some men bought into hook line and sinker and others fought to free themselves from.

Perhaps it is only a male that will call what we have seen over the last couple of years as 'gender war'. If that comes across as flippant I'm sorry. Harvey Weinstein is 66 years of age so older than me and perhaps even more steeped in sexist culture. It appears that it is only younger men who do not suffer with a jaundiced eye on the relationships between men and women. They have gender fluidity and a very positive attitude towards interactions between men and women or human beings as they should be referred to. We have bought into this Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus. A complete misunderstanding of boundaries,consent,appropriate behaviour, cat calling etc etc. Women give birth to boys who turn into men and some turn into monsters. Why? Again that question could be interpreted as woman shaming, putting the blame on to them again. Instead of labelling each other as misogynists and misandrists perhaps we should just do what I have been doing and avoid each other. It would bring population numbers down. If you are a woman and you are unfortunate enough to meet me in real life, you now have the upper hand and know that I will be intimidated by you, unless you have the same low estimation of yourself as I do of myself and then we will get on famously but only as friends.