I really hate travelling by train

🚆

I really hate travelling by train 

I really don’t get it

It’s probably me

but I really hate travelling by train.

If the train was empty and it was just me and the driver

but knowing me I’d be on the one with a skiver.

It would be stuck in Machynlleth in the wind and the rain 🌧

Honestly every journey I’ve ever taken they’ve all been a pain.

If you reserve a seat as they encourage you to do

there’s somebody sitting in it smelling of pooh 💩

No, that is my breath as I moan and groan

and go and sit cramped next to somebody on phone.📵

It’s survival of the fittest when travelling by train

The suit with the whiskey and the thousand yard stare 👀

The whimpering shopper with bags all agog 🛍🛒

Oh for fuck’s sake what’s that through my legs? 

They’ve let on a fucking dog 🐶🐩

It’s not a guide or emotional support

It’s just some selfish, spoilt talkative person who think they’re a God 

and “there’s summat wrong with you if you don’t like me pooch”

Why did I give up drinking? I could knock back some hooch.🍾

I’ve stood all the way from Leeds to Manchester

all the way from Birmingham to York   

If the conductor asks to see my ticket

I’m going to balk

“How do you justify the cost even with a third off?”

“Talk to the Manager”

The Ticket Office is closed

as I traipse home in the wind and the rain

wishing I could give Stephenson a rocket.

Then in an epiphany, a delirium, a dream

I realised it wasn’t trains that I hated

only crowds of people

The Train Loving Sheeple.   🐑

Mae'r Byd wedi mynd yn Benwan

 Mae'r byd wedi mynd yn benwan

Mae'r byd wedi mynd yn benwan

Dydy o ddim yn deg i feio fo gyd ar Wncl Sam?

Ymerodraethau hanesyddol, dyna chi lond ceg 

ag i ni'r Gymru fach yn ceisio hwylio'n deg

Mae'r byd wedi mynd yn benwan

Mae Biden yn cael ei godro gan rhai tu ôl i'r llen

Mae Sunak a Starmer yn uchel ei gloch

yn ceisio cystadlu gyda Big Ben

Mae'r byd wedi mynd yn benwan

Lladdfa ar ei weithaf ers tro byd

Y gwahaniaeth fod y camera yn ei eneidiau

yn dal drych i fyny i'n cyndeidiau

I ni'r bobol gyffredin mor di bŵer ag erioed

cerdded a marchio, chwifio baneri, gobaith wrth ein traed

Netanyahu ai lygaid du di marw

Yn defnyddio Hydref 7fed i dasgu mwy o waed

Mae'r byd wedi mynd yn benwan

chi di clywed fi erbyn hyn

Dwi'n mynd yn ailadroddus

fel hanes!  

I hope that we beat Shrewsbury on Sunday

I hope that we beat Shrewsbury on Sunday

because I was meant to get there last Tuesday

Storm Henk was driving the train from Aber

and told us to get off at Mach.

It was pissing down and staff were handing out bottled water.

After three quarters of an hour 2 Rail Replacement Buses turn up to take us via Trallwng

to Amwythig but by this stage I was feeling rather chwithig.   

I am a miserable bastard at the best of times but this was the worst of times.

A journey that made a toddler sitting next door scream all the way and be sick

saw me disembarking muttering “Iesu what a cruel trick”

At Shrewsbury the ticket gates were closed

 and "CANCELLED" was the answer to every question.

After a coffee and deep sighing, a man and a walkie talkie shouts “Aberystwyth’

I was meant to travel a lot further but discretion is the better part of valor

and a train where a coach had been chugged us back over a track that now worked.

Confused?

I was when I was told to get off at Mach and back on a bus to Aber.

I had no sage and to cleanse my soul I walked back home from there.

So you see

I hope that we beat Shrewsbury on Sunday

because Amwythig sure as hell beat me.      

Trallwng: Welshpool

Amwythig: Shrewsbury

Chwithig: Strange

Iesu: Jesus