The rump of Corbyn's New Model Army were encamped in and around the Shropshire Town of Newport. Brexit was now history and things had got a bit sticky to say the least at the Long Parliament since the Leader of the Roundheads had called the Leader of the Monarch's Forces "A Stupid People" Corbyn had been forced to flee from his Islington home by bicycle along country lanes back to Shrophsire from whence he came. It had been obvious for some time to Historians, Political Commentators and Guardian Columnists that another English Civil War was inevitable. John McDonnell's Scouse Regiment had travelled down through Cheshire and over the Runcorn Bridge to meet up with their Spiritual Leader at Newport.
The Cavaliers and Forces loyal to Her Majesty's Christmas Day Speech had hired a big red bus and painted a load of lies about Corbyn down the side. They were planning to travel up to the Midlands to take on the New Socialist Army by motorway but it was gridlocked so Corbyn got to Newport by bike quicker. The old tactic of barracking each other with some berk called Bercow shouting 'Order Order' pompously from a big throne had been replaced with the realisation that only good old fashioned scrapping would work. Jeremy had been working out on a big red punch bag that he'd fitted into the roof joist of his garage in North London. He'd been working out like Rocky since a lot of the Remainers had become vociferous against him. What would make this English Civil War so interesting was the fact that both sides contained an equal number of Remainers and Leavers amongst their ranks. The mealy mouthed Welsh and Scots very reluctantly decided to throw their weight and forces behind Jeremy Corbyn but their presence on the battlefield was always a distraction because of the constant muttering. In the end Jonathan Edwards had to be escorted away from the battle field for his own safety due to the strength and severity of his accent.
Theresa May who was still hanging on to her horse's reigns by the skin of her teeth had appointed Leadsom (Angela) as Head of Horse Cavalry. James 'I saw him Sir' Cleverly was in charge of the Infantry. May had decided to lock up the pair of Eton Fops 'Reese-Mogg and Bozo Johnson' in the Tower of London for the duration of the War. Nicholas 'Soggy Hang Dog' Soames because of his relationship to Winston Churchill had been called up to drive the 'Bus of Lies' up to Newport. They passed the Fool and Court Jester Sir Niggles de Farage thumbing for a lift and Soggy Soames veered into a big puddle of muddy water near Gloucester and soaked the old chunt. The accursed vermin Tories had underestimated their opponents once too often and their black hearts started beating faster when they neared Newport and saw that John Mc Donnell's Scouse Army each had a signed copy of Mao Tse Dong's little red book in their hands and a pike staff in the other. By this stage Corbyn was 'mad for it' and his blood lust for revenge knew no mercy when he finally faced up "A Stupid People' on the wide Shropshire plains.
The Battle of Newport was long and bloody but of course the side of Right, Truth and Mercy ran out the victors. The remaining Tories whose throats had not been slashed from blue ear to blue ear were packed back on the Bus of Lies with a 'Universal Credit Voucher' and an appointment card for their local Job Centre in Westminster which they had to attend or their testicles and vaginas would be electrocuted by a bloke called 'Milgram'.
Corbyn became Prime Minister with John McDonell as the Chancellor of the Exchequer. The Queen was evicted from Buckingham Palace with a week's notice. Alan Sugar and JK Rowling were sent into exile on Elba and St Helena respectively without the use of twitter and the Eton Fops were left to rot in the Tower for eternity. Britain became a Socialist Republic after the Battle of Newport and Wales and Scotland were granted their Independence for their help in the muttering.
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