JAWS

Witness for the Defence

Your Honour, my boys done wrong. They hold their hands and their teeth up to Joe Allen's mouth and neck and they apologise with all the intellectual mimicry that they can muster. My boys ave never gotten into trouble before, it's just that they get paid so much to kick a ball about, that they get bored sometimes and want to get a little taste of a player wot is smaller then em. I wouldn't say that either of my boys were bullies your Honour, it's just that I have brung em up the way that I thought best, you know, to get your biting and amateur dentistry in first before the other player can run rings around you.   

Witness for the Prosecution

'Eich Mawrhydi' which means 'Your Honour' or 'Your Big One' in Welsh. Throughout his career, Joe Allen has been a target for the bullies of the professional game due to his artistry and deftness on the ball, his quick thinking and his ability to make big galoots look even more gormless than they already do. Here you see a picture of Joe in his Liverpool shirt, a team that many professionals aspire to play for but never achieve this highest of accolades. Joe has played for them and excelled for them in many games. This must still rankle with the less able professional footballer in the 'inglorious game'.

Your Honour, you have seen the footage from MOTD and the photographs from the newspapers. You and the general public should be left in no doubt that these horrible assaults will happen again if he is not protected by referees and match officials. Let Joe do what Joe does best and play football and let the biters and amateur dentists pursue other careers in food tasting and orthodontics. Diolch yn Fawr your Honour.