Our Last Christmas in Europe

Oy fellow Grande Bretagners! Listen up. Loath as I am to use the C word on September 14th, I want you to wake up and smell the Continental Coffee. Do you realise that Michaelmas 2018 will be our last as members of the European Union? This is some serious shit man. All our Christmases from now on are going to be dour British affairs so what I am going to suggest in this blog post is that we all make Christmas 2018 the most European Christmas of all time. This means not buying any British produce at all, whatsoever and bringing the UK's economy crashing down before we actually leave. You want austerity? Let's have some proper f****ing austerity. So everything from the turkey to the tinsel, from the decorations to Santa's sack, make sure that it has been produced in Europe and not in Britain. Nobody is to eat Gammon. Gammon is verboten on Christmas Day, we don't want to be staring into the pink fleshy abyss to remind us of who got us into this pickle do we? If you possibly can, try and speak another language apart from English on Christmas Day, a proper European language like French or German or Welsh. Get some practice in on Duolingo so that you can be like Eric Olthwaite's parents in Ripping Yarns  

Let's make this the most European Celebration so in years to come we might remember what it was to be civilised, co-operative and cultured. Sleep well in your British beds o servants of Perfidious Albion and remember 'que sera sera, whatever will be, will be, 

you're going to Wemberley in eternity'