I'll write anything for money, me

I'll write anything for money, me

some non erotic erotica

or some state of the art sci-fi

some half arsed bums in the air romance

on me scuzzy wifi.

I'll write yez a film script

"Welsh zombies in a crypt"

I'll write yez me last will & testament

as long as its a long term investment

I don't do it for the art or to make a critic fart

I do it for the cheque in the post

the BACS Transfer

The Royalty and the Contract

is all that I'm interested in.

Who are you again?

Oh that earnest enthusiast 

at the Hay on Wye jamboree

I'm sorry if I cut you with my paper thin repartee.

It's dog eat writer 

in this writer eat dog world

the magnum opus in me typewriter

the edges all fucking curled.

I'm bitter and dazed at my lack of success

but maybe 

I should don me suspenders and slinky black cocktail dress

for if it is to be the literary casting couch for me

he can grab a handful of hairy bollocks

as I'm supping me earl grey tea.