The Age of Hysteria

Trust the good old Western Fail to ensure that we wont sleep easily in our beds tonight! Not only have we heard the news that the Western Male is no longer to be printed in the Western half of 'Pax Brittanica', the land that it claims to represent but on Page 15 under News we discover the devastating information

  "CHIP SHOP CLOSED DOWN AFTER DEAD MOUSE FOUND UNDER FREEZER". 

It doesn't go on to explain that papers were found on the dead mouse detailing his mission to infiltrate the TATA steelworks and get more information on the Pension Arrangements for the mice working at the Port Talbot plant. I mean, come on, a mouse!!! If it had been a rat, then fair enough but we are talking about a chip shop at Sandfields, Port Talbot. The punters will probably complain that there is less flavour on the food now but seriously this was the owner's living. How can a chip shop owner be given a 12 week prison sentence suspended for one year and be expected to pay £800 in costs to Neath Port Talbot Council? They could add that on to his Council Tax surely at £8.00 a month for a hundred months. I think there's something we are not being told here and that is that in fact that the mouse was a Muslim. The unannounced inspectors actually found a rolled up prayer mat and mouse slippers under the freezer but they are not actually leaking this information in case the population get hysterical.
On the same page 15, still under News obviously, the Headline

"CONWOMAN POSED AS HOUSE-BUYER FOR FREE STAY AT CARAVAN PARK"   

Now, whoa Tonto, hand me my sunglasses. We have a Ms Big here obviously. A Conwoman stayed for almost a month (could have been 3 weeks, could have been a fortnight) at a caravan park after posing as a wealthy house buyer who was about to move into a £300,000 home. The Fraudulent, heartless con-woman was ordered to do 15 days rehabilitation activities (litter picking on the caravan site) as part of the 12 month community order. Well more fool the Caravan park in Bude, Devon for allowing this silver wordsmith to stay in their statics on a promise. "She's wealthy, we'll get more money and a tip out of her, when she finally moves in to her Bovis home"

In Wales see, we call the above News. We are the ones who have been conned by this Tory, sorry Welsh Labour rag for over a century. Even though it is now to be printed in Oxford to be shipped down the M4 under armed escort every morning, you can rest assured that Trinity Mirror and its news stories will lead us to the promised land of 'Hysteria'.

"Pass me my tablets Maldwyn, I'm about to ave a turn"