Waiting for the Fish to Bite!

The Wales Blog Awards 2012 shortlist

Un bloody believable but I didn't make the shortlist!

The Wales Blog Awards 2012 shortlist

Gone Fishing!



Cheeky!

I've been a bit cheeky! I've put the Logo for the Wales Blog Awards on my Blog without their permission. The deadline has passed and I have no idea whether I will be standing up on that podium with an inflateable shark in one hand and a bronze statuette in the other on September 20th folks. You will be hearing about it on Twitter and on Facebook and even possibly on Tumblr. I hope you're following me on there also.
I hope that you've realised that by now I am not trying to sell you anything apart from a philosophy of honesty and cheekiness. I know I'm pushing the boundaries for a Middle Aged Man. There I've said it. "I am Middle Aged". I am age obsessed because I am coming to terms with my lost youth, a youth that was stolen by Bipolar Disorder. I am now preparing my mind for DEATH because it could be around the next corner and I want to be ready for the Fucker. For all my best intentions, spirituality interests, meditation friendly, New Age leaning I am a pretty Neanderthal, unreconstructed male. Overthinking and essentially useless but I would be rather chuffed if my words and phraseology were acknowledged in some respect. Don't you think the obituary pages in the Western Mail are horrendous? Hatch, Match and Despatch!
Your surname, your age and where you passed away. Where you Died!   Death like Mental Illness are perhaps not the font of most blog posts but both are organic. One where the body shuts down and the other where the brain has decided not to function to the norms of polite society. Let's talk taboo! What is going on in people's minds as they move towards Death. The Race to the Grave. Bring it on.com! Is it weariness? Should we not all be preparing for not being here and for nothingness. Is it not irresponsible not to!
"Oooh you morbid bastard!" Well it's a Sunday. The Day of Death: 'Dia De los Muertos'. I really think that we would be a lot better off if we as a society faced death head on together. Have a Day of the Dead like the Mexicans! Go into the Graveyards and celebrate our ancestors. Lie and Sleep on the Gravestones. Let's get used to the smell of cremation. Then perhaps,just perhaps we won't be so afraid of LIFE.

Diwrnod y Meirw
Welsh Stylee Aiee!

Elation

To understand this particular Shark Fisherman
you will need to read the link below.

http://wellbeingfoundation.com/elation.html

The Mind is set up to be Bipolar

http://wellbeingfoundation.com/



THE BEST BOOK ON MENTAL HEALTH I HAVE EVER READ

David Williams



Collective Wisdoms: Michael Corry on the mind and psychiatry

Collective Wisdoms: The Michael Corry Interview

Collective Wisdoms: The Michael Corry Interview

http://wellbeingfoundation.com/

Mondays



Bore Da Campwyr or Good Morning Campers. I don't mind Mondays maybe that's because I'm not working at the moment but even when I was working I didn't mind them because for me they were an existential gateway out of the hangover and over thinking of the weekend. Mondays were an excuse and a purpose to think about something else apart from myself, now I have no such excuse but I also find now that I don't need one. If you'll excuse me for a moment I will put my devil's advocate hat on with detachable horns and say something like this:

"We should all work, we all need to work. It gives us purpose to our lives. It gives us a means to live, to be renumerated for our labour. It is an opportunity to be productive. We can then afford to do things with our free time and weekends".

Seems fair enough but if you interviewed people going into work  on a Monday morning they probably wouldn't see it like that. Although earning money is a necessity work is also a distraction from the process of individuation. Of becoming a fully rounded individual. My Occupational Therapist said that I had thrown myself into my previous work and that it important to create a distance between yourself and your work to avoid workaholism which is indeed what I had become in my previous work with the Young Farmers' Clubs of Wales and as Head of Drama at Malory School, Lewisham Borough. I was so driven that I didn't want to stop and contemplate my mortality, who I was and what I was meant to be doing. I am fortunate I have had that opportunity over the last six years but I am still no closer to the answers.

Some are fortunate to find satisfying work, others are not so lucky! I would say that the unlucky ones are victims of their own psychology. They have persuaded themselves that this what they are meant to be doing and that they will accept their fate without too much fuss. We can't all have satisfying work. Some of us have to be indentured labour/wage slaves. Thank goodness for the Welfare State because if not for them I too would be stacking shelves in Poundland. I have identified that I have an entitlement schema, a life pattern where I feel that lifes' rules do not pertain to me, that somehow like Jose Mourinho, that I am the special one.

I have done unsatisfying work in the past because of low self esteem. I did not recognise my talents and qualities and so accepted anything to take my mind off myself but unfortunately it worked in reverse and made me think more about myself. Perhaps we are not meant to think, thinking is the curse of the drinking class or is that work?

One thing I know is that if I don't pull my socks up soon then there will be no work of any variety left for someone with an entitlement schema. There appears to be a lot of competition out there now.

Perhaps the main reason that I am stopping myself from becoming an indetured slave again is 'TAX'. I don't want the government to screw me for Tax. I am not likely to enter the high tax bracket anytime soon but the less you earn, the more it feels like you are being taxed. Taxation is never explained to you. Surely you can work it out for yourself.

Devil's Advocate horns on again

"Your taxes are used for the roads (I don't have a car) for schools (I don't have any children) for hospitals (fair enough) for libraries (the door is stuck and glass keeps smashing) for the Welfare State ( I am Unemployed) for wars in Afghanistan and Iraq (That's a no brainer, of course I want to pay taxes for those) Trident......."  



Rich Dad / Poor Dad

Yesterday afternoon between the hours of 12.30 and 2.30 I attended a Seminar in the Marriott Hotel, Kairdiff, in the aptly named Bardd suite, with my fondness for Eisteddfod Bards uppermost in my mind. A Socialist was on an Undercover Operation. There was  a gentleman with an Australian accent at reception to greet me with a free gift of a Rich Dad/Poor Dad dongle. A man with a high pitched Ystrad Mynach accent came in after me and said that 'I don't have a laptop'. We were a rum collection of characters indeed. I was dressed in wet weather gear and flat hat, looking as if I had been to Mart Caerfyrddin, indeed to goodness, look you isn't it! Des from Cwmbran, looking lost! There must have been about twenty of us in all waiting to hear how we could make our fortune. Well when you are a Bipolar on Benefit you have to find ways to fill your time! My Time Management is Crap! I run on Mayan time. I have never worn a watch in my life. Maybe for a week, after a birthday present as a child, but I disliked the feeling of something around my wrist. A watch I refer to as the 'Tag of Time' which is unfortunate for me because the main crux of the spiel was that you should become a good time manager. The seminar was very good and the gentleman with an American accent who reminded me a little of M.Scott. Peck who I mention in an earlier blog post http://sharkfishinginwales.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/road-less-travelled.html was a very effective public speaker but not effective enough to get me to part with £997.00 for a Three Day Course of further study into the Rich Dad/Poor Dad Property Portfolio Technique of Mega Bucks which will be held over 3 days at the Angel Hotel, Cardiff from the 13th - 16th September. It was an enjoyable two hours and it flew by and if you see one advertised I would recommend attendance. The Presenter was slick, suave and humorous and I learnt some Dramatic Techniques. Maybe the reason I didn't part with 6 Months Benefit Money was that he said a home truth that caught me to the quick. He said it twice, once at the beginning and once at the end

" If you come from a place of suspicion, fear, lack and want then this is not for you"

How did he know I came from Bridgend I thought but then again that could sum up the attitude in any small town. He knew that I was a sceptic and a cynic. It's written all over my face. I used to be a soft touch but people don't try to sell to me anymore because they must sense the smouldering anger within. It wasn't a completely arbitrary and random attendance. I was despairing at my lack of financial literacy and negative attitude towards money and I borrowed Robert Kiyosaki's book from Cardiff Central Library when the revolving doors were working and glass wasn't smashing everywhere. It was a good book but what happens after you read a book. You take it back, you have perhaps retained a microcosm of knowledge and that's it, you go back to your place of fear and you don't take any action. "Rabbit in the Headlights" must be a Universal Human Condition and will probably find it's way into the DSM of Mental Health as a Psychiatiric Diagnosis . Procrastination and fear is crippling me but hang on if I win the Competition for the Best New Blog, at the Wales Blog Awards I might be able to afford to go! Have you voted yet? http://walesblogawards.co.uk/about/

  



Best New Blog Awards!

http://walesblogawards.co.uk/about/

It's down to you now!

Aberaeron Today!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aberaeron

Today I was Sharkfishing in a little village on the West Wales Coast, called Aberaeron. He gets about this fellow! Since starting his blog in the chilly winds of January he has been to Liverpool, Darlington, Bath, Bristol, London and now Aberaeron. 
Shark Fishing all the way.

Sitting beside the harbour observing two little rowing boats each with three occupants. Man, Woman and younger woman in different boats rowing out to yachts. Then around the quay came a rowing boat called 'Seren Aeron' with five occupants. They got out, all ages, four men and a woman. The most Captainly of them got out and went to fetch a wooden trolley on wheels from the top of the jetty.

"Excuse me where is the town?" asked a lady. "Straight up the path and then across the wooden bridge". People park on South Beach and then walk into town. It is very quaint and it is very chocolate box. Inside the 'Seren Aeron' were the words Irish Challenge and this made me think was this one of the boats that cross the Irish Sea from Aberystwyth.

http://www.celtic-challenge.org.uk/ 

What I did notice and had noticed before is that people stay in their groups. Dotted along the quay were bods with feet hanging down. Everyone out enjoying the sunshine but obliviously unaware of everyone else. 
It would be unusual to get an individual 'Hail Fellow, Well Met' who could act as a bonding agent of sorts. A Jester, a clown or fool who didn't care what people thought of him. Perhaps it would be an easier job for a woman. Someone who would get people talking!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hail_fellow_well_met 

 Maybe that will be done by the Welsh Cob Show tomorrow on Alban Square.

http://www.aberaeronfestival.co.uk/ 

I shall be anti-social fellow, unwell met as I pass through in the morning on a coach back to the 'Diff'. I think my days of festivals and shows are over. Too many bods for this Introvert.

Shark

Eisteddfod Masturbation

2011: Wrexham and District: Monologue Featured at Theatr y Maes.

2010: Blaenau Gwent and Heads of the Valleys, Ebbw Vale: Helping out on a stand for a day.

2009: Meirion a'r Cyffiniau, Bala : Monologue Featured at Theatr y Maes.

2008: Caerdydd a'r Cylch  : No Concessions for the Unemployed.

2004: Casnewydd a'r Cylch: Free Ticket

1998: Penybont ar Ogwr : On the Wales Y.F.C stand

 1997: Y Bala: On the Wales Y.F.C stand

1992: Aberystwyth : Working as a Security Guard with GRW Security of Blaenavon

1990: Cwm Rhymni:

1988: Casnewydd

1982: Abertawe

1981: Machynlleth

1979: Caernarfon

1977: Wrecsam

1973: Rhuthun


No Blog about Wales could proceed without mention of the Eisteddfod. I went last year in Wrexham because a Monologue that I wrote was performed at the Theatre on the Eisteddfod Field. I got the train up from Cardiff. I had gone the year before in Ebbw Vale to help out on a stand and that was an excellent site because it was linear and flowed but generally the sites are square and concentration camp like and on my return to the 'Diff' I felt that I had been somewhere where there had been a concentration, a mass of people. These people were certainly not starving! Many appeared comfortably numb, well off, having made a living on the back of the Language. As a child and teenager, I felt two oppressions keenly, the oppression of the Welsh Speaking Chapel on a Sunday where 'adnodau' or verses were learnt to be read out verbatim and the other oppression was that of my English Language, Rugby playing Public School. I didn't fit in at either and the thought of both still make me feel bitter and nauseous! I was caught between two languages and cultures. The Religion of the Hymnal and Psalter and of singing 'Jerusalem' and the Religion of Non Conformity. At my confirmation classes when asked where God was I said "that I hadn't met him". Well I have met him now but that was through a Spiritual Emergency and through Faith rather than through forced Bible Bashing.
Out of my 46 years I have attended 15 Eisteddfods. Not an 'Eisteddfodwr brwd' by any standards! As an adult I would only go if I had reason to go, if it was very local or I could get a free ticket.
At the 1982 Eisteddfod in Swansea we stayed in the University Halls of Residence and it was here that I set my own personal record for simultaneous masturbation. I wanked 6 times one after the other. I was 16 and now at 46 I can only dream of such virile endeavours. It wasn't even a Mayfair or Playboy, although I had quite a sizeable collection stacked in my chemistry set under my bed. It was the Centre Spread in a Magazine called Football Kick. 
It wasn't over this edition that I set my record but over the August 1982 edition and I have a feeling that the Model was a Norwich City Fan although that wasn't high on my list of concerns at the time. 

http://www.soccerbilia.co.uk/acatalog/Football_Kick_1982.html 

 The year previously I had been to see 'Gregory's Girl' at the Cinema in Theatre Clwyd, Mold.

From what I remember, this was a slightly wet film but featured the far more exotic Claire Grogan of Altered Images compared to the demure Dee Hepburn above! Maybe it was to do with the acting. Anyway it was a long time ago. I think that I yearned for the two things that we didn't have at my minor public school, girls and football. I would bunk off on Saturdays (Yes we had lessons on Saturday) and go and watch Wrexham FC play some 18.6 miles away and then go home to do what all teenage boys do when starved of female company and affection.



I digress. Anyway what has Eisteddfodau got to do with Masturbation? Well quite a bit in my humble. It is self-congratulatory. The Information giving in terms of leaflets and other ephemera from the stalls feels pointless, again like Masturbation. You leave the Eisteddfod Field feeling dirty and guilty! I wonder if it has to do with being in the shadows, conversing in tents! 
When the Eisteddfod was last in Cardiff, I went along at 2.00pm hoping to get in, but there were no concessions for the unemployed.
Perhaps they weren't expecting a Welsh Speaker to be unemployed.
They talk a good game but that's all it is in my opinion, a talking shop. A huge competitive hierarchy with accountants and celebrities dressed as green, white and blue druids. You've seen one Eisteddfod, you've seen them all.

A oes heddwch?

 

I don't think so.

Who Moved My Caws/Cheese?

I spent about an hour this afternoon in Newport Library reading the above book! It's a revelation and at £5.99 a snip, but you won't find me spending rare benefit money (tax payer's money) on self help books. It's all about mice and cheeses and moving on to look for more and different cheeses. The Welsh for cheese is caws as in caws Caerffili. I return again to the 'Diff' wondering if I have spent too long here in my smelly cheese! I'm ready to go and find new caws! It's the process of moving out of your comfort zone! It is my intention and I state it publicly here to move, to re-locate Red Button Theatre & Film Co-operative but to where? At the moment it's a Toss Up between Liverpool and London! I need to move my Cheese. When I was unconscious or clinically depressed I didn't realise how many people appeared to be so also, for it is a very selfish and unforgiving condition, ego filled! Now that I am passing through the dark night of the soul, I am realising how many people actually look desperate, how many are putting a brave face on it and how few appear to be at peace! Or maybe that was just Newport!                  It's all in the Face and in the Eyes. 
Aha! We've got him now: "The grass is always greener on the other side." I made the mistake in the past of moving before I was psychologically ready and I was bitten but generally I did have a better time when I was t'other side of Offa's Dyke. I don't know why but I feel compelled to play a role here in Cymru Fach! 6 Degrees of Welshness and I'm bored of it, I'm tired! With the Eisteddfod in full swing, it is the time that I do not feel fully Welsh because even though I speako the same lingo as those walking about in their bright wellies I don't feel that I have anything in common with them. We are all human beings though right? Humans are so tribal! Nation States, Cities, Towns and their Football Clubs and Colours.

 

By writing this I am convincing myself that moving is the right thing to do but why move to Liverpool or London to be the same person that I am in Cardiff ?  Facebook is the same in any language so the biggest Caws we have to move is our own Psychological Cheese.
In my case I have to improve my attitude towards wealth and wealth creation. I have just never seen the point in it! I am a single man with no dependents. What do I want wealth for? To fill the existential, God shaped hole perhaps? Look in the Mirror and tell yourself that you love yourself so it won't matter whether you are in Las Vegas, Darlington, Bootle, Fochriw or Rio! Learn to love yourself, appreciate yourself, value yourself and then move your cheese!

 Cheers Cheese!