A Plan Stan!

Have you got a plan Stan? Well I haven't and I never have had. This state of stasis or limbo feels like it has lasted forever. I've never had ambition, never been a competitive sort. This was drummed out of me at my 'Public School' unlike my alter ego 'David Cameron'. I am slightly older than him but look at him, look at how he has risen up the greasy pole. He is in No 10 and I am still in my two up, two down in Grungetown.

Feel the Fear and do it anyway! Fuck that! I'll stay here behind my blinds and observe the comings and goings and dog shit freezing on the pavement from a safe distance. So this is my 'I could have been a Contender Blog' carrying on from my learned helplessness blog. After graduating with my cape and mortar board and a piece of plastic piping that was used by the photographer instead of a certificate that would wilt and warp. Well since graduating I have wilted and warped. I must re-visit my Victim/Survivor Blog to buck myself up. "Cheer up, it might never happen". The best advice of all, of course that you can give to someone who is clinically depressed. The Buddhist phrase above received a number of likes on my facebook page so methunks "this has struck a chord with folks" and it was my Psychiatrist who said 'we are all so similar'. Going about our daily business we would never concur with this statement because every day appears to be an exercise in futile lying! We hide behind the veil, we suck in the air on the bus and pop in the ipod!. We switch off because we're worried that someone will point out to us the futility of it all. The Emperor isn't wearing any clothes. We all know it, yet we carry on pretending because that's what everyone else is doing. Power to the Sheeple!

I think it is important to have a plan. You can create a 'Vision Board' and cut images out of papers and magazines reminding you of the things that you aspire to and the people who inspire you! On my vision board is a picture of Steve Berkoff and Charles Bukowski. There is a picture of me in the middle with the Anarchist symbol on one side and the Hammer and sickle on the other. Below is 'Tafod y Ddraig' the symbol of the Welsh language Society. Written on my vision board are the titles of the plays and monologues I have written. I shall have to remember to add sharkfishinginwales.blogspot.com to it. I have put this piece of A4 in a Red Frame purchased from Ikea and I have nailed it to the wall so it is the first thing I see in the morning when I wake up. I have also written the words ACTOR, WRITER, DIRECTOR, PRODUCER in Capitals at the top because these are the roles that I aspire to fulfill. Therefore I share this dream with 80% of the population as the Arts Degrees and Stage Schools alumni are a testament to. I am also obsessed with age and even though I am kindly reminded by those that care that it is only a number, 46, is probably too late to embark on a career of this sort especially in Wales, that ugly, lovely country, that graveyard of ambition! So you bright young things, have a plan, pull up your pop socks and go for it!  I had the dream many moons ago but let the oppression of economics and work and other peoples' well meaning scripts get in the way. It made me mentally unwell.