There was a robin on the bird feeder and the mercenary bastard that I am,
I thought I'll get a prose poem out of that.
I imagined the robin in a referee's shirt like the ones in Footlocker
but I can't do photo-shop so had to make do
with a black and white striped hat instead.
A nightingale might have sung in Berkeley Square but this robin
was refereeing a match between two gold finches who were going at it.
For such an attractive bird they are vicious little bastards.
Robin was on the suet block, looking chesty and pleased
Some chubby long tailed tits arrived as a family,
I wondered where they'd parked the caravan.
And then Goldie & Red wanted some niger seed and they wanted it bad man!
They were addicts.
They'd run out of thistle man and they needed a hit
and they were anxious and angry
and moving from claw to claw.
And then they started fighting
and 'Robin the Referee' had to break it up.
In a hat, not a shirt, he got his whistle out and extended his wingspan
"Look ya little shits, this here's a communal bird feeder, it's for families.
We don't want no preening junkies fighting over the food for Chrissake"
Robin was from the Bronx
Then a magpie came down and in a Geordie accent exclaimed
"What are ya doing in me hat marra?"
"Your hat?"
"Aye, last time I saw it I was at the 1998 FA Cup Final against Arsenal at the Old Wembley, I thought some Cockney Sparrow had nicked it"
"He had, I got it off E bay"
"Can I have it back bonny lad?"
"You can if you can help me sort these goldfinches out"
"Goldfinches? little bastards"
"You're telling me, they've frightened the other birds off"
"Ya've heard of the old rhyme Robin? One for sorrow, two for joy?"
"Yes"
"Well when I get to six and shout gold, they'll turn their heads
and you knock the niger seed feeder on the ground"
And what happened after that was a secret never to be told
ya nosey bastards 😂
Some more shite for yez!
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