Three different people have said this phrase to me recently
"You won't know yourself". All referring to the work being carried out in my adobe! "How long have you lived here then"? asked the man from Tredegar who was installing the boiler.
"25" years I replied. That was the old life sentence for murder. I have spent that length of time in a two bedroom terraced house in the salubrious suburb of Cardiff, 'Grangetown'. The name itself strikes fear in to the hearts of pirates and the mafia. That length of time without adequate heating. That length of time minus four years where I escaped to London and Amsterdam for a brief sojourn. Tredegar, home to Aneurin Bevan, founding father of the National Health Service and from what he was saying, it had seen better days. "It's rubbish there now, all the shops have closed. It was great when I was growing up mind". When somebody says "You won't know yourself" they are suggesting that you won't recognise the life that you were living before. It's certainly warmer in the house now but that is down solely to the Welsh Assembly Government, who I campaigned for in 1997.
They have a scheme for those in 'Fuel Poverty' quaintly called 'Nest' and I am one of those.
Pulling up the floorboards was a 'potch' according to the Tredegar Ironside and Thursday sees work beginning on a new kitchen. I have slummed it here for a long time because in some strange way I felt that I deserved to live an uncomfortable life. I didn't have the finances to do the place up and I don't now but it appears a final part of the jigsaw is falling into place. I always said that I didn't want to live here when I was 50. Three years minus a month to make good my mistake/escape.
I also said that as I left, I would sing the Roger Whittaker song
Durham town and replace the word town, with the word Street. It is the street where they've gone and plonked a Greggs Bakery on the corner. Yet another reason to stay and become fat and fifty. With a Central Heating system and a new kitchen it appears that 'I won't know myself' therefore it is better that I plan my escape now so that perhaps 'I can find myself'.