Beaut Park

So I failed my exams, I've been sacked twice from a script I sleptwalked into and now I have a failed business under my belt. Enough! Time to take an observer role again. Still didn't know that I had Bipolar Disorder! What do I do now? Well the Bowling Green Gig had been easy enough, why not try again with Cardiff City Council's Department of Leisure and Amenities? This time as a Gardener. I walked through Bute Park today, the Jewel in the Crown of Kairdiff. I started as a Driver/Gardener in September 1989 based at the Castle Mews which is now the Welsh College of Music and Drama. A fine building and suits its present purpose better. Bute Park has changed a lot over the years. When I started as a Park Keeper, there were 56 now referred to as Rangers across Cardiff Parks, now there are only 10. Cost Cutting and all that! The Park has changed a lot in all that time. The Parks were started as Public Amenities! It is the only place to escape from the crass concrete commercialisation and capitalism of a capital city but now you can't escape from the money makers because now two cafes have opened in the park and a third one will be opening soon in the North Lodge by the Animal Wall. Roads have now been run through the Park to allow for the easier movement of gas guzzling vehicles to set up for the many shows that the Park now hosts.

I did a year as a Driver Gardener and then I did a year as the 'Triple Driver'. The little green machine with three blade mechanisms that cut the grass in the parks. This was the summer job and then back on the litter picking gang in the winter. It was a pleasant outside job in the summer but the symptoms of my Bipolar, mostly depression was no more evident than in the Mess Room. It was about the time that Eddie Shah had his Today Newspaper and it was behind its colour pages that I hid while chewing my sandwiches and slurping my tea. The Gang were the salt of the earth but my withdrawn manner I'm sure made a few uneasy. In fact, when I was over Tremorfa, a guy called Trefor, another Triple Driver, a very affable chap actually said to me '"You're depressed aren't you?" It was the first time that anybody had noticed or commented. At a Family Funeral, an Uncle said to me 'You were a strange child'. Well before you start conjuring up pictures of Damien, I know that my Bipolar Disorder began at the tender age of 13. I completely over reacted to a perceived injustice at school and from that day for four years I became extremely introverted. I withdrew from social contact with other children. I went to school, I studied and I went home. I did this for four years. I played Rugby because it was obligitory and perhaps explains my view now that Rugby is a major Oppression in Wales. Now I dread the start of the Six Nations Competition and rejoice that I don't have a television.
You might think that this blog is rather self indulgent and why should we want to know all this but I'm realising that I am writing it as a warning to people to be vigilant with their young people. It is not surprising that Bipolar Disorder is now reaching epidemic proportions in America. Mood Disorders can easily be misinterpreted as  normal teenage behaviour, which is what happened in my case. They were less enlightened times.
Bute Park or Beaut Park as I refer to it is a National Treasure and provided a sanctuary to me for two years. I am grateful for this respite and opportunity. Looking back I now realise that the action of calling into an Off Licence after work and buying a Flagon of Cider, getting back to the adobe in Grungetown and the first action I take after closing the door behind me, was to open the flagon and to start drinking, glugging, in a standing position were the actions of somebody who was seriously self medicating. I didn't bother to sit or get a glass. It was only a short step to the park bench!