Second Hand Dildo For Sale?

Second Hand Dildo For Sale?

I went to that shop once in Mill Lane,

The one that's says 'Private' above door

The bald bloke with round specs, he'd seen it all before.

I surveyed the nakedness on offer and prodded the doll with me finger

I started to get a bit bored, then thought I would present with some mischief and said

"Mine geni(t)al host, have you got any second hand dildos for sale? for sale?

do you have any second hand dildos for sale?" (Sung in Chorus)

He pressed a red button in silence and a hole in the wall appeared

music came over the tannoy and it all got a little weird
cos instead of some raunchy soundtrack
it was some half arsed male voice choir singing 'Glory Glory Hollelujah'

(It doesn't have to rhyme)

One appeared on a purple velvet cushion and in the half light I couldn't tell if it was used,
but there was no way that I was going to smell it,
so I gave him some sheckles and legged it.

Now this was no ordinary dildo, it insisted on being called 'Sir'

I carried it round Cardiff for ages in a bag marked scratch n sniff.

Don't mind telling you by the time I'd got back to Grangetown
well the damn thing had started to whiff.

I gave it its own seat at the table and damn it was a ravenous beast,
I started wishing I'd bought brand new by the time he'd finished the feast.

He burped in appreciation, jumped down and frightened the dog.
The cat looked at it for ages, then looked at me disgusted.
They knew they were in for a night of it as I started rolling a joint,
the buckfast came out of the cupboard as I sashayed to my secret drawer.
Cat and dog shrugged "What's the Point?"

The DVD started playing, the Dildo was nowhere to be seen,
the cat and dog looked shaken, they knew where 'Sir' had been.
He'd been through the house with a tooth comb, forensically buzzing away.
No stone remained unturned in his search for
something with which he could play.

His rippled head got stuck in the down pipe,
he'd even jammed himself under the door,
by the time that he'd finished his business
I wished I'd patched up hole in the floor.

Even though I was a Cardi, buying cheap was not always best plan,

I had to get rid of this rebel, whose real name I found out was Stan.

I grabbed him as he bounced on the sofa, bugger at that moment, the door, my neighbour had taken in a parcel,
what greeted her was akin to Thor.
Trembling and visibly stirred,
she threw the parcel at me
when Stan winked and gave her the bird.

I placed the naughty boy high on the book shelf for safety
and opened the Amazon brown.
There in a gold case was a rival, something to make old Stanley frown.

He knew his days were numbered so after one final fling,
he bowed down and buzzed his last to the new fellow with bling.

Now as people pass the window, some run, some stand and some stare,
Sir Stanley sits with cat & dog either side and a sign 'IN NEED OF REPAIR'

Second hand dildo for sale? for sale? (Chorus)
Second hand dildo for sale?

Any unauthorised broadcasting, public performance, copying or re-recording will constitute an infringement of copyright and I will come after you with Sir Stanley, the repaired dildo.

All rights reserved, Shark Fisherman of Wales 2018